


The Maryams

by kaybee



Series: A Year In The Life [7]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Canon Lesbian Relationship, F/F, Hindu Character, Humanstuck, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Lesbian Character, Minor Character Death, Trans Eridan, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2017-10-03
Packaged: 2018-11-04 00:00:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 31,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10978113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaybee/pseuds/kaybee
Summary: Skaia High is full of a strange assortment of characters; the douchebag who plays guitar (badly) to pick up chicks, the 17-year old who still carries around Pokémon cards, but everyone finds him attractive regardless, the girl who became a certified lifeguard at 14, the disguised albino, the girl who’s best friend blinded her in 7th grade, and a myriad of other odd friends. They are slowly finding their way, paving their paths as they grow up. This is a compilation of their stories.----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Kanaya Maryam must face the dangerous halls of high school-- falling in love, an unconventional family, and simply Being A Teenager-- all while dealing with a disapproving mother and the drama all her other friends bring into her life.





	1. Warm Sands

            Kanaya slipped her sandals off and felt the warmth of the sand on her feet. There was something she loved about the beach. Perhaps it was the sun, or the gentle rush of the waves, or the fact that it was one of the only times she got to spend with her family. As much of a headache her cousins could give her, she loved them, despite the bullshit she received, particularly from Karkat. Her sister was much more adept at handling Kankri’s particular brand of ranting. That suited her just fine. Kankri’s brand of social justice was… overbearing? Kanaya wasn’t sure how to put it. Hypocritical.  
            Karkat was under one of the few umbrellas they had set up nearby, griping at his father about having to come if he couldn’t spend time in the sun. Karkat really was such a grouch. Kanaya supposed she couldn’t really blame him; he had a lot of emotions that he let overwhelm him, and dealing with the entire family was a lot for him. Especially with Nepeta’s uncomfortable crush. Didn’t Nepeta realize that was really awkward, especially since their parents were engaged? Well, there was a lot of doubt that Nepeta would ever say anything to Karkat. If she did, well… he’d have to be honest. Whenever she thought about that, it made Kanaya glad she didn’t live with them. Kanaya’s sister, Porrim, was rummaging through the bags of stuff, retrieving a volleyball. She glanced at Kanaya.  
            “Are you up for a match?”  
            “Oh. Certainly. Do you want me to tell the others?” Kanaya asked. Porrim nodded at her and she stood up from her seat and tapped Nepeta on the shoulder. “Nepeta, would you and Meulin like to play volleyball with me and Porrim?” she asked. Nepeta paused, glancing over at Meulin as the two had a quick exchange in sign language. Nepeta turned back to Kanaya, and answered.  
            “Sure! Meulin wants to go in the water for now, though.”  
            “Of course. Enjoy yourself; we can wait.” Nepeta beamed at Kanaya, then turned and ran towards the water with Meulin. Kanaya smiled to herself a bit. Nepeta was quite endearing, even if the shipping thing she had a tendency to do was a bit uncomfortable. Kanaya was still tempted to ask what she thought of her and Vriska as a pairing. That one-sided pining was getting real old. To make matters worse, Vriska was, in all likeliness, straight. Her relationship with Eridan sure was a thing that happened, and then there was Tavros… ah, well, it didn’t matter. Kanaya paced over to Karkat, who seemed disgruntled. Whether that was due to his exile beneath the umbrella or due to whatever Kankri had just said, Kanaya didn’t know, but she shot a smile at him. “Karkat, Porrim and I were going to join Nepeta and Muelin in a volleyball match in a bit; would you like to play as well?”  
            “Don’t feel like you need to cater to me, Kanaya. I’m _fine._ ” Well, now that was just rude. Kanaya frowned at him  
            “I wasn’t catering to you, I was simply trying to be nice. Remind me not to do that next time,” she huffed, stepping away to return to her lounge chair, vaguely hearing Karkat sigh behind her. “Kanaya! Sorry. Yeah, I’ll play,” Karkat conceded after a moment. “Only if Kankri will play too. I don’t want to make the teams uneven.” Kanaya spotted her cousin’s grin and knew exactly what he was trying to do. Kankri scowled from where he was sitting behind Karkat, and began to say something, but was cut off by another voice.  
            “Kanny~~,” Porrim sang at him. He frowned even more, if that was even possible, but still answered.  
            “I would love to play,” he grumbled. Karkat had a look of satisfaction in his eyes, and Kanaya couldn’t help but giggle a bit.

             Once Nepeta and Meulin returned from splashing around in the ocean, they began to gather their belongings for the volleyball match. Kanaya glanced over her shoulder as Karkat stood up and shielded his face from the sun. His poor pale skin couldn’t handle too much of it. Kanaya tutted and shook her head at him, then removed her hat and handed it to him.  
            “Here, take my sun hat.” Karkat frowned, but grabbed it from her hands anyway. If he got a sunburn or skin damage, she wouldn’t be able to help but feel responsible. Karkat begrudgingly put it on, and it was sufficient to shield his face, thankfully.  
            “I’m gonna look so fucking stupid,” he muttered. Kanaya rolled her eyes a bit. There was hardly anyone else on that beach. They only had access because of Kanaya’s uncle’s friend, Spencer, who somehow had a beach house. Kanaya wasn’t really sure what he did for a living, but she figured it was best not to question it.  
            The six of them split into two teams—Kanaya, Karkat, and Meulin versus Porrim, Kankri, and Nepeta. It was a pretty good match despite none of them _really_ being very athletic (except Nepeta, what was even with her?) and Kanaya couldn’t help but laugh when Kankri fell into the sand. Overall, it seemed pretty successful until Meulin sent the ball soaring over the net towards a group of nearby kids.  
            “Oops, sorry!” Meulin shouted. Kanaya had to refrain from covering her ears. Meulin was quite loud, and standing right next to her.  
            “Karkat, could you get the ball, please?” Porirm asked. Karkat faltered, then yanked the hat off his head.  
            “Yeah, but take this first.” He shoved it into Kanaya’s hands.  
“You really shouldn’t be in the sun,” Kanaya tutted at him.  
            “It’ll be like two minutes, it’s fine! I’m not fucking walking over there with this dumbass hat on.” Kanaya frowned as Karkat walked off. Was it really that bad? It was one she’d designed and made herself, and she couldn’t help but feel a bit self-conscious at Karkat’s scorn.  
            “I thought it was quite fashionable,” she muttered.  
            “Don’t worry, Kanaya. Men simply have no taste,” Porrim said. Kanaya wasn’t sure how reassuring that actually was, though.  
            “I find that offensive,” Kankri chimed in. Oh great. They were going to go down that road. Kanaya was actually surprised it had taken that long. That was what always happened any time they got together with their cousins. Porrim and Kankri would almost certainly get into at least one argument.  
            “I just don’t see why you have to undermine me at every turn.”  
            “I don’t see why you lump all men together and make some general statement like that. It’s very rude.”  
            “I swear to God, if I hear you say ‘not all men’ one more time, I will choke you with your own sweater sleeve.” Yeah, that was about par for the course. Kanaya couldn’t really blame her sister, though. Kankri was the type to say “I’m not a feminist, I support equality” or “the wage gap is a myth”, discussing things he believed to be problematic while not addressing that he himself and a good amount of his discourse was also problematic. In short, Kankri was kind of a prick.  
            Kanaya walked up to Nepeta, trying to distract herself from the ongoing argument, noticing Nepeta’s eyes following Karkat a bit. Then there was _that_ whole thing. Nepeta’s crush on Karkat. Kanaya was aware of it, and aware of the discomfort Karkat felt in regards to it. Nepeta glanced at Kanaya, who was still clutching the hat that Karkat had discarded, and patted her on the shoulder.  
            “Don’t worry, Kanaya. _I_ like your hat! Karkat’s just a little grumpy sometimes.” Kanaya chuckled to herself.  
            “Yes… if by sometimes you mean _literally all the time._ ” She put her hat back on. “I do have to ask, what is it exactly that you see in him? And… I hope you won’t find this intrusive, but don’t things get awkward?”  
            “I… I don’t know, I just think he’s sweet, even if he doesn’t show it in the way other boys might. He cares about his friends a lot.” Kanaya pursed her lips. She wanted to tell Nepeta that Karkat wasn’t interested, he just didn’t feel that way about her, and let her down easy since Karkat was wholly avoiding the subject. She decided not to say anything, though. Maybe it wasn’t her place. Bugging and fussing and meddling was what got her into her current situation with Vriska, after all, which was not a position she necessarily wanted to be in.

            Everyone sort of ambled back to the adults at their own pace, not really bothering to pick up the volleyball game again. Kanaya settled into the lounge chair beside her mother’s.  
            “Kanaya, you should let your hair grow out. It’s so pretty when it’s long,” her mother said.  
            “But Mother, I like having it short. I think it frames my face well.”  
            “It’s not… feminine.”  
            “Mother, please. Hair style is not solely indicative of gender expression. Besides, I hardly think you need to worry about either of us ‘not being feminine’,” Porrim said, plopping into her own chair. She had far fewer inhibitions about calling their mother out on stuff like that. She didn’t always approve, especially of Porrim’s tattoos and piercings. It made Kanaya glad she’d never had to come out, really. It happened when she was about 5 and told her parents she wanted to marry a girl. That was really all there was to say on the matter. After a moment, their mother spoke again.  
            “I have to head into work early tomorrow, so I’m going to drop you two off at your uncle’s.”  
            Porrim sighed, but Kanaya just nodded at her mother and let the quiet resettle. Unfortunately, it didn’t take long for another argument to break out, this time between Nepeta and Karkat. Something about ships on _Supernatural._ Karkat’s volume overtook Nepeta’s, naturally.  
            “Okay, Dean is not gay. I suppose YOU could argue that he’s bi, but I doubt even that. And anything the writers put in hinting at Dean and Castiel being a thing is blatant queerbaiting, which is gross. They tease and they tease and they tease, saying ‘hey guys, look, we might have this potential gay couple, look how progressive we are!’ And they proceed to jack each other off in some massive circlejerk at how they’ve now attracted this fucking fanbase of teenage girls searching for ~teh yaois~ without even putting the gay couple in the show in the FIRST PLACE, when all the actual queer community wants is some goddamn representation!” Kanaya glanced over at her family. They were far less exposed to Karkat’s… colorful language, and weren’t desensitized to it as she was. Their grandmother looked particularly upset. Nana Rosa hated it when the boys got like this, as they were known to do, each in their own way. Thankfully, Solomon prompted an apology. “Sorry… Nana Rosa,” Karkat muttered, sitting back down. Kanaya glanced at Porrim for a moment, but Porrim wasn’t paying attention. So much for sisterly guidance. As Nepeta got up and wandered off, Kanaya stood from her chair and went to sit behind Karkat, who seemed to need some relaxing. She started brushing her fingers through his hair. Oh dear. His roots were showing again.  
            “Mother is unable to take me and Porrim to school tomorrow, so we’ll be coming over early in the morning,” she informed him.  
            “Okay… what’s your fucking point? I’m sure Dad would have told me later.”  
            “Porrim still has some black hair dye left.”  
            “Why would Porrim have—oh yeah. I remember, that dipshit at the salon over-bleached her hair when she got the green streaks put in and she bought the dye to fix it up when the color faded.”  
            “Right. So she could touch up your roots if you would like it done before you’re forced to be seen by the general population.”  
            “Well I’m sure as shit not going to make it over to the salon tomorrow morning so that would be great, actually.”  
            “Though to be honest I still don’t know why you don’t just embrace your appearance. White hair certainly is unique,” Kanaya said. She genuinely liked Karkat’s natural hair color, even though he obviously hated it. He really was too hard on himself.  
            “It’s freaky as fuck, Kanaya, and I hate it.”  
            “Very well, then, it doesn’t make a difference to me.” Why was he such a grouch all the time? So frustrating. Karkat sighed.  
            “Not your fault, Kan. I shouldn’t be snipping at you.” Well, at least he acknowledged it.  
            “It’s in your nature to immediately get defensive, and while I can tolerate it as your cousin, others may not be so used to it, and you should try to work on that.”  
            “Jesus, now you sound like Kankri.”  
            “Now that is truly insulting,” Kanaya said, smiling a bit, though still hoping that Kankri wasn’t within earshot. She was glad Karkat let her into his life. Yeah, he didn’t actually have much of a choice, but not all family was as close as hers was, and while things weren’t exactly perfect, she wouldn’t have it any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Q: Who has no self-control and wrote this while she should have been writing papers?
> 
> A: MEE!!!
> 
> Okay I actually finished like an essay and a half before finishing this so my priorities aren't TOTALLY skewed.


	2. Adventures in Lesbianism

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanaya's first day of school. Attractive ladies, attractive ladies everywhere!

            The next morning was a mess. Kanaya got up quite early and put together a nice outfit for the first day of school. It was important to make a good first impression. She and Porrim certainly agreed on that. She spent a copious amount of time doing her makeup, as well, and by the time she was finished, her mother was pacing around, making sure she had everything in order before glancing across the room at Kanaya, who was re-organizing her school bag.  
            "Are you ready, Kanaya?” she asked.  
            “Oh. Yes, I believe so.”  
            Kanaya couldn’t help but be self-aware as her mother kept looking at her. Was there something wrong with her outfit? Or was her mother being quietly judgemental again? Then they were both distracted from each other by Porrim coming down the stairs.  
            “All right, I suppose we should head out,” Porrim said, before catching the look on Malati’s face. “Oh, Mother, please do not tell me my outfit is too revealing.” Kanaya glanced over at her sister. She was wearing a cropped green tanktop and shorts under a sheer skirt tied off on one side. Nobody said anything for a moment, and then Malati sighed and walked out to the car. Porrim turned to Kanaya and raised an eyebrow before following. Kanaya looked down at her own outfit (a green tshirt and a cage skirt with patterned tights underneath) and then followed her mother and sister out to the car.

            When they got to the Vantas-Leijon home, Porrim made her way to the upstairs bathroom to assist Karkat with his hair, while Kanaya made herself at home in the kitchen.                 
            “Good morning, Uncle Solomon,” she greeted him.  
            “Good morning, Kanaya. Do you want some breakfast? I was going to make some eggs.”  
            “Oh. Yes, please.” Kanaya smiled at her uncle as he went about preparing the food, and the two made light conversation until he was summoned into the other room by Dessie. Kanaya enjoyed the silence for a moment, aware that it was a rarity under this roof. She was joined shortly by Nepeta and Meulin.  
            “Good morning, Nepeta,” Kanaya smiled. Nepeta grinned back.  
            “Hi, Kanaya!”  
            “I see you’re still sporting the beanie.” Kanaya was referring to the blue hat that also donned a cat face and ears. It wasn’t her personal favorite (actually she didn’t really find it fashionable at all) but Nepeta was happy. And she somehow pulled off the overalls, Kanaya noted to herself. Nepeta tugged on her hat, but both girls were distracted from the conversation by a stomping noise, and then Karkat’s appearance.  
            “Good morning, Karkitten!” Meulin shouted at him.  
            “Jesus fucking Christ, Meulin, put your goddamn hearing aids in,” Karkat snipped, and Meulin left the room after Nepeta signed something at her. Kanaya scowled at Karkat, shaking her head. How could he possibly find a way to be in such a sour mood first thing in the morning? Well, it was Karkat. He was always in a sour mood, which was only evidenced more by the exaggerated eye roll he gave Kanaya before he took the seat between her and Nepeta, holding a bowl of sugary cereal. Kanaya smiled to herself.  
            “Very nutritious,” she hummed at her cousin.  
            “Oh, shove it. I’m not in the mood.”  
            “You are _never_ in the mood.”  
            “Yeah well I’m _especially_ not in the mood for your snarky horseshit.”  
            “Karkitty, be nice!” Nepeta added. Kanaya pursed her lips. God, he was so difficult sometimes. He rolled his eyes again as Meulin came back downstairs.  
            “Better?” she asked.  
            “Much,” Karkat answered. And then the four of them were joined by the two missing siblings, Kankri and Porrim coming downstairs loudly.  
            “—and you will _not_ be a bad influence on my little brother!”  
            “Oh, get the stick out of your ass, Kanny.”  
            “I told you never to call me that!” Wow, Kanaya had no idea how her sister put up with him so well. Kankri was so exhausting just to listen to sometimes. A moment later, Solomon returned and rounded all of them up, into his minivan.

            Kanaya, Karkat, and Nepeta climbed into the back row of seats, Nepeta wedging herself in the middle in keeping with the family rule, and they were on their way. She leaned into Karkat, trying to garner his attention, and giving Kanaya an uncomfortable feeling in her gut.  
            “Oh, hey, Karkitty, can I see your schedule?” Nepeta smiled at him.  
            “Sure, we may as well _all_ compare schedules,” he said, his eyes darting up. Kanaya met his glance briefly before he went digging into his unorganized backpack. Kanaya took the hint and followed suit, pulling her binder out of her bag and handing her schedule to Nepeta so she and Karkat could see it.  
            “Aw shoot, I guess we don’t have any classes together,” Nepeta pouted. Kanaya could tell the comment was not directed at her, even if it was equally as true as it was for Karkat.  
            “Hey, Kanaya, you’re in my Biology class,” Karkat said.  
            “Am I? That’s good,” she said, thinking about the potential of lab partners. Karkat was crabby, but he was dependable. It would certainly be better than sharing a station with a stranger.

            Once they arrived on campus, Kanaya bade her family a goodbye and made her way down the hall to her locker to drop off some books. Lo and behold, who should be her locker neighbor other than Vriska? Kanaya considered just turning around and going to class, coming back later, but Vriska spotted her before she had the opportunity.“Hey, Maryam!” Oh gosh. Kanaya felt her face turn red. Her crush on Vriska hadn’t subsided, she just forced herself not to think about it. Vriska was straight, anyway. She’d made it clear over the summer, when Kanaya was fretting over her again, too shy to do anything about her romantic feelings, defaulting to a more motherly mode because that’s what she was good at. If Kanaya recalled correctly, the exact phrasing was, “wow, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you have a crush on me. And if I were more into girls, maybe I’d think about it! Haha!” Oh, how Vriska would never realize the sting that laughter gave. Kanaya struggled to compose herself as she approached the lockers.  
            “Good morning, Vriska.”  
            “Heeeeeeeey, looks like we’re locker buddies.”  
            “Yes, looks like.” Kanaya shuffled some things in her bag, trying to hide her embarrassment.  
            “Honestly, thank God. Means I got put next to someone actually reasonable. Anything beats having to deal with Tavros all the damn time,” Vriska leaned against her locker, looking at Kanaya as she put her books away. “Hey, let me see your schedule!”  
            “Oh, uh… sure,” Kanaya said, taking the paper out of her binder again before shutting the locker door and slinging her bag over her shoulder again. She watched as Vriska’s eyes scanned over the paper.  
            “Looks like you’re not in any of my classes. What a bummer!” Kanaya didn’t say anything, but figured that might be for the best. “What’re you taking French for anyway?” Vriska asked, handing Kanaya her schedule again.  
            "I think it might be more interesting than Spanish. Languages are very interesting.”  
            “Yeah, what is it you speak? Farsi?”  
            “Hindi, actually. But I only know a few phrases.”  
            “Huh.” Kanaya could feel Vriska’s eyes on her, and was thankful that the bell gave her an excuse to leave.  
            “Well, I really must be going!” she said, over the ringing.  
            “Yeah, see ya around,” Vriska said, walking the opposite way down the hall.

            Kanaya slid into an empty desk, still recovering from her encounter with Vriska. God _damn_ that girl and her effortless allure. And before she could even let her mind catch up with her, she found herself breathless again by a girl walking through the door to the French classroom. Her light blonde hair framed her face perfectly, any stray wisps being pulled back a lilac headband. Her bangs fell just above her eyes, which were covered expertly with grey-black smokey-eye makeup and eyeliner that had ever-so-slight wings. The startling purple color of her irises was only brought out more by this, and by the black lipstick that accompanied it. Her wardrobe was similarly dark, a black shirt with the _Squiddles_ logo on it over a long-sleeve purple shirt, paired with a black skirt and basic sneakers. It was simple, but suitable, and Kanaya couldn’t help but find this girl gorgeous. She was vaguely aware that she was staring as the girl walked into the room, only looking away once their eyes met. She very pointedly turned her gaze towards the opposite wall, internally panicking. Holy crap why was she so pretty. Ethereal, almost. Some kind of goddess of light. Kanaya was shaken out of her incredibly gay thoughts by a voice.  
            “Excuse me, is this seat taken?” It was the girl who had just walked in, indiciating the desk right next to Kanaya. She shook her head, trying not to appear as flustered as she felt as the girl slid into the chair next to her, even though she was sure she was blushing something fierce. “My name’s Rose Lalonde,” she introduced herself, extending a hand to Kanaya. Oh god, Kanaya had to say something.  
            “Kanaya Maryam,” she said, voice sounding far more composed than she felt. She made a point of avoiding looking at Rose, even in her peripheral vision, for the rest of class, and scrambled to get her things together before she could embarrass herself.

             Kanaya’s second class was P.E., and her third class was geometry. Both felt of little consequence, particularly due to it being the first day. She got a syllabus, listened to the teachers, found out what friends were in her classes (P.E. was shared with Tavros, Sollux, and Feferi; Geometry was shared with Aradia), and went about her day, but she could not get Rose out of her mind. Wow. Just… wow. Kanaya didn’t want to be creepy about it, but that was the only thought running through her mind. When she arrived in her fourth period Biology class, she found a seat and anxiously anticipated Karkat’s arrival. She needed to tell _someone,_ hoping that talking about this girl might help relieve some of her tension. Karkat made it a few minutes before passing period ended, and took the seat next to Kanaya.  
             “Karkat,” she said nearly immediately, “you have to help me.”  
             She supposed she tinged the comment with a bit too much urgency and alarm, because Karkat’s response was, “What? What’s wrong?”  
             “There’s this girl in my French class—”  
             “Oh my lord, YOU’RE SUCH A LESBIAN.”  
             “—and she’s absolutely gorgeous. I don’t know what to do, do I talk to her? What if she’s not gay? Oh god, what if she _is_ gay?” Kanaya realized. It would actually be more to process if it turned out their sexualities were compatible. She was used to dealing with having a crush on a straight girl; that was not new territory. But crushing on a girl she might actually have a chance with? Wait, was she even crushing on Rose, or did she just appreciate her… aesthetically?  
             “What happened to your crush on Vriska?” Karkat asked.  
             Kanaya felt her face flush a bit. It didn’t matter. She needed to get over that. “Well… my chances with her are not good. She thinks I’m just a meddler. So if she doesn’t want me around, fine.”  
             “You’re so melodramatic,” Karkat muttered.  
             “Coming from you, that’s a laugh.”  
             Karkat grumbled and slumped in his seat as class started.

             Karkat and Kanaya joined their friends for lunch, somehow getting 12 of them to fit at one table, before returning to the routine of class. Kanaya walked with Eridan and Feferi to their shared history class, and Kanaya found herself facing the displeasure of sitting next to Eridan. Feferi was on his other side, and opposite her was a girl with bright green eyes and round glasses and long, dark hair who seemed to share in Feferi’s optimism. Kanaya’s last class of the day was English, and of all her classmates, she only knew Gamzee. Gamzee was a weird kid. Kanaya knew that Karkat worried about him a lot, but she personally was only sort of weirdly ambivalent about him. She was sure she would get roped into group work with him, though. At the end of the day, Kanaya was half-tempted to find Rose on Facebook and send her a friend request or something, but she worried that doing so would break some kind of unspoken rule. She couldn’t help but open the website anyway, despite the fact that literally hardly anyone used Facebook for anything of any significance anymore, and her attention was caught by a little red notification icon. She clicked on it.  
             ‘Rose Lalonde has sent you a friend request’  
             Kanaya hovered the cursor over it for a moment, before clicking down. _Accept._  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kanaya being immediately smitten is friggin adorable imo
> 
> also, LIFE UPDATE for those of you who care lmao  
> FANIME WAS A BLAST!!!!! It was fuckin' rad to have a weekend off and now i have 4 weeks until my next con. Uh my essays are done and i only have like 2 assignments left in my other classes but i also have to move out next week so idk how frequent updates are gonna be
> 
> oh im also gonna plug my voltron fic here; i started writing something that ISN'T homestuck for once so if y'all are in the mood for klance soulmates, check out "What Life Throws At You"


	3. Linguistics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanaya deals with her mother, her crush, and... Eridan Ampora.

         A few weeks passed, and Kanaya was beginning to feel a _bit_ more self-assured. Her eyes met Rose’s in class every so often, and Rose was never the one to blink first, but at the very least, Kanaya was getting over her feelings for Vriska. This did not, of course, keep her from rigorous mental preparation before she went to French class every day. Foreign languages required a certain amount of collaborative effort, and since they sat next to each other, Rose and Kanaya did speak frequently. At the very least, Kanaya could pass her social faux pas off on not having a firm grasp of the language. It didn’t help that her mother was passive-aggresively urging her to be more “traditional” since Navarati was coming up. An argument broke out over breakfast one morning.  
        “ _Maan_!” Kanaya groaned in Hindi. She rarely used the language, but sometimes her mom responded better, because it showed an effort.  
        “Kanaya, _krpaya ek sari pahano, mere lie_.”  
         “ _Maan_ , I don’t understand that much. I caught ‘sari’ and that was all.”       
         “Can you _please_ wear a sari during Navarati?”  
         “Mother, why do you push this on me every year? I never see you hounding Porrim about this.”  
          Malati let out a sigh. “I don’t want you to forget your heritage.” Kanaya suddenly felt guilty. She knew her mother was alarmed about that, seeing as not only had her brother abandoned the traditions their mother raised them with (though his current beliefs were actually more in keeping with the Catholicism that had been brought to Mexico, which _was_ actually his ethnicity. Solomon’s story and heritage were unusual) but Porrim had also become very Americanized and it seemed like their mom had more or less given up on trying to push Indian traditions on her. Kanaya was the one who’d taken the time to learn even a _bit_ of Hindi, so it made sense that Malati thought she’d be more open to learning about the history. She sighed a little bit, letting some tension out of her shoulders.  
          “I’m not going to forget my heritage, Mother,” Kanaya said, her tone a bit dismissive.  
          “It was difficult for me when your _Daadee Ma_ and I left India, being so young. I grew up here, away from who I thought I was, and at your age I was searching so hard to learn more about our people; our culture. Solomon didn’t understand, but I was already a teenager, and our age gap made that kind of sibling relationship difficult… anyway, when you spent your time in England I worried so much that you would forget.”  
          “Mother, I told you, I am not going to forget. I took the time to study Hindi.”  
          “You’re right. I apologize for being so overbearing about this.”  
          “It’s… important to you,” Kanaya muttered. Her mother could be so frustrating. Well-intended, but frustrating. “I will… consider wearing a sari during Navarati.” She glanced across the table at her mother, who was smiling at her softly. She took that as enough of a compromise and felt a bit more at ease as she and Porrim and their mother got into the car and headed off to school.

           That day was just like any other, up until lunchtime. Kanaya was sitting next to Karkat when he jerked upward in response to someone calling his name. A chipper, slightly nasally voice was the source.  
          “Hey, Karkat!” Kanaya looked up as well, seeing a messy-haired blue-eyed boy approaching the table, with three others behind him. One was a blond boy with sunglasses on and an indecipherable expression, one was the excitable girl Kanaya had come to know as Jade from their shared history class, and one was. Oh no. The last person approaching the table was Rose Lalonde. Kanaya blinked at her, but Rose was paying attention to the exchange occurring between her bespectacled friend and Karkat.  
          “I’m sorry, did I fucking invite you to sit here, Egbert?” Karkat scowled at him.  
          “Oh fuck no, you three?” the blond boy said, directed at Karkat, Gamzee, and Tavros. “These are the pricks from my Spanish class.” Karkat’s scowl deepened, if that was even  possible.  
          “Come on, Dave, Karkat isn’t so bad!” the other boy said, grinning. Before anyone could object, he wormed into a seat on Karkat’s other side. Rose sat across from Kanaya, smiling a bit at her.  
          “ _Bonjour, mademoiselle_ ,” she said quietly, her voice being lost to the others.  
          “ _B-bonjour_ ,” Kanaya stuttered a bit. “ _Comment allez-vous?”_  
          “I have just been wondering, _quel es ton…_ Pesterchum handle?”  
          “Oh!” Kanaya fumbled in her bag for a piece of paper, growing more embarrassed the longer it took her. She shot a bashful smile up at Rose as she wrote out her handle on the paper, and slid it across the table.  
          “grimAuxiliatrix,” Rose mused. “Well, I will have to put this to use.” Kanaya wasn’t sure just how much she was blushing, but she reasoned it was noticeable.

          True to her word, Rose messaged Kanaya that evening.

 tentacleTherapist [TT] has requested to be chums with grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

tentacleTherapist [TT] and grimAuxiliatrix [GA] are now chums!

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

TT: I hope you won’t find me to be too forward.  
GA: What do you mean  
TT: Oh, just that not everyone receives my… let’s say curiosity as well as you have.  
GA: Oh, well  
GA: Truth be told I am curious about you as well  
TT: Oh?

           Wait shit she shouldn’t have said that.

 GA: Uh yes  
GA: Your understanding of the French language is quite exceptional  
GA: Have you studied it before  
TT: Not exactly.  
TT: My mother is from France.  
TT: She spoke it quite frequently with me and my sister while we were growing up.  
GA: Ah I see  
TT: You’re getting quite good at it yourself.  
GA: Really?  
GA: I thought I was a bit clumsy with it  
TT: Your accent and pronunciation is excellent.  
GA: Oh  
GA: If you say so  
TT: If you don’t mind me asking, you already have an accent, correct?  
TT: A non-American one, that is.  
GA: Yes I attended a boarding school in London rather than an elementary school here  
GA: I guess the manner of speaking just stuck with me  
TT: Understandable.  
TT: I hope it wasn’t rude of me to ask.  
GA: Oh no not at all  
GA: I’m aware of how I stick out even in my own family  
TT: What do you mean?  
GA: My father has an Indian accent and my sister sounds American  
GA: And my cousins and uncle sound American as well  
TT: “American” is broad.  
GA: Right well Californian I suppose  
TT: So why did your parents send you abroad and not your sister?  
GA: That is something I have never understood  
TT: Interesting.  
TT: You mentioned your cousins?  
GA: Karkat and his brother are my cousins  
GA: By adoption I mean  
GA: Our grandmother adopted their father after moving to America with my mother  
GA: Apparently he was living on the streets  
TT: That’s terrible!  
GA: He doesn’t like to talk about it  
GA: Bad history  
GA: My family is very large and complicated but enough about that  
GA: What about your family  
TT: There’s not really much to it.  
TT: It’s me and my mother and sister  
TT: I had an aunt but we’re not really sure what happened to her.  
TT: She’s way older than my mom—approximately 20 years.  
TT: Family gossip dictates that she got knocked up, more than once, but her oldest is around my mother’s age.  
TT: I guess they were born around the same time?  
TT: So as a result my mother grew up with her nephew around until her sister moved to Texas.  
TT: And had Dirk, and Dave, and after Dave was born my aunt disappeared.  
TT: “Bro” became the de facto guardian.  
GA: So you and Dave are cousins?  
TT: Yes.  
TT: Though we never actually met each other until a few years ago.  
TT: Bro moved here from Texas to try and make even more ground with his… unusual business.  
TT: But that’s Dave’s story to tell.  
TT: There was something more pressing I wanted to ask you.  
GA: Oh?  
TT: Yes.  
TT: Are you aware of the upcoming dance?

             Was she referring to the Homecoming flyers that were pasted around the school?

 GA: Yes.  
TT: Well, the thought occurred to me that

             And then, Rose didn’t say anything for a long time. The “this person is currently typing” bubble kept disappearing and reappearing, as if she was rethinking her message. Kanaya didn’t know what to make of the current course of conversation. Why was Rose asking her about the dance? Well, she had an idea, but she didn’t want to get her hopes up. Another message appeared.

 TT: Actually, nevermind.  
TT: I didn’t think that through before sending it. Sorry.  
GA: No what were you going to ask  
TT: Please, don’t worry about it.  
TT: See you tomorrow?  
GA: Uh  
GA: Yes see you tomorrow

 tentacleTherapist [TT] has ceased pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

            Wait. What just happened? That conversation had taken quite a few turns. Kanaya was almost sure Rose had been about to ask her to the dance, but the way she retracted made it seems like maybe that wasn’t the question at all. Maybe Kanaya was deceiving herself. There wasn’t even confirmation of Rose’s sexuality. At the very least, she’d gotten to know a little bit more about her. That was the silver lining here.

             Talk of Homecoming didn’t end there. Feferi brought it up at lunch not long after Rose and Dave and John and Jade started sitting with them.  
            “Boys, who’re you all gonna ask? Or have you already?” Feferi asked. Kanaya was a bit off-put by the assumption that boys were the ones to do the asking. Not that Kanaya was going to ask anyone. That was too much pressure. Gamzee was the first to answer, after a bit of a silence.  
            “I ain’t asking nobody, gonna go with my motherfuckin’ self and have a good time,” he said.  
            “O-oh,” Feferi muttered, before quickly turning her attention elsewhere. “Um, what about you, Karkat?”  
            “Don’t put me on the spot!” Karkat snipped at her. “What about you, princess? Who are you going with?”  
            “Oh, I already told Eridan I would go with him,” Feferi answered.  
            “Not worth the time,” Vriska sneered. “He’s such a fucking pain; I can’t believe I ever dated him.” Kanaya frowned at that comment. All Vriska ever did was shove her relationship in everyone’s face with no regard of how hurtful that might be. And it was more of a competition than anything—what kind of relationship would kindle such animosity?  
            “Because you were so _fuckin’ peachy,_ right, Vris?!” Eridan bit back at her.  
            “Eridan, hush,” Feferi said, placing her hand on his shoulder. “He’s not so bad. Anyway… what about you, John?”  
            “I, uh…” John stammered. Kanaya could relate.  
            “John and I will be attending together,” Rose answered. Kanaya’s heart sank with those 7 little words. She was going with John? Was that a… a date thing? “He never got the nerve to ask anyone, and neither did I.” Oh. So it was a friends thing. But still. That really… _really_ sucked.  
            “‘s cool, bro,” Dave leaned back as he spoke. “I wasn’t gonna ask anyone to be my date either. I’m with Gamzee on that one.”  
            “Yeahhhhh,” Gamzee said, reaching across the table to fist-bump Dave. The rest of the conversation felt inconsequential to Kanaya. She was just dwelling on what Rose had said.

            Kanaya and Eridan and Feferi and Jade began to walk to their history class, and from her peripheral vision, Kanaya saw Eridan shoot Feferi a look, to which Feferi nodded and looped her arm around Jade’s, toting her ahead of the other two. Eridan cleared his throat, sidling up to Kanaya.  
            “Hey Kan?”  
            “Yes?” She really didn’t think Eridan was as bad as his reputation would have people believe. He just… had a big personality.  
            “I need your help with something.”  
            “Oh, what is it this time?” Last time he’d asked for help, it was regarding Vriska. That whole situation got _pretty messy._  
            “I need you to… uh. Do you think you could get me an outfit for Homecoming?”  
            “You want me to make you something?”  
            “Or just pick something up? I can pay for it, it’s just… it’s nothing. I just can’t go shopping with my dad. He’d try to put me in something… uncomfortable.” Kanaya furrowed her brow. That seemed… _odd,_ but she wasn’t one to turn down a friend in need.  
            “All right, Eridan, I will help you out. Just send me your measurements later.” Eridan’s eyes widened. Kanaya couldn’t tell if it was out of surprise or out of gratitude.  
            “Thank you _so much._ You don’t realize how important this is.”  
            “It’s, uh, not a problem, Eridan. Let’s just get to class.” Eridan nodded at her, then turned and walked a couple paces in front of her. Kanaya couldn’t be sure, but she thought she caught a glimpse of the outline of a binder through the back of his shirt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRANSLATIONS:
> 
> Kanaya: Mother!  
> Malati: Kanaya, please wear a sari. For me.  
> (Daadee Ma= grandmother)
> 
> Rose: Hello, miss.  
> Kanaya: Hello. How are you?  
> Rose: ...what is your Pesterchum handle?
> 
> I had a lot of fun inserting the languages here. I actually do know a bit of French but I haven't used it in a while so like, my knowledge is on par with Kanaya's. apologies if the hindi is inaccurate tho  
> I promise eridan is gonna be okay he has really good friends and like cronus sucks but he's pretty chill about this particular issue
> 
> In other news (i don't know why i keep putting life updates here but y'know) i'm done with finals and moving out of my dorm tomorrow!!! idk if this means faster or slower updates, i kinda gotta con crunch for anime expo even tho i was just at a con lmao but i do have a plan more or less for this section and i actually kind of already started on the next? it's rose's piece after this so i should be able to draw a lot of parallels as well.


	4. Fashion Disaster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanaya has some quiet opinions about Nepeta's fashion sense, does a favor for a sort-of-friend, and gets closer to Rose than she anticipated.

            A week later, Kanaya was sitting in the back of her uncle’s car as she, Porrim, Karkat, Kankri, Nepeta, Meulin, and Cronus (he received some vocal objections when he was picked up, namely from Porrim and Karkat) on the way to the mall to do their shopping for Homecoming.  
            “So, um, Karkat,” Nepeta said. Kanaya knew exactly where this was going. It wasn’t going to end well for either party. “Were you going to ask anyone to Homecoming?”  
            “Actually, Terezi asked me to go with her,” Karkat answered. Oh. Well problem solved, then.  
            “Oh,” Nepeta muttered, sounding disheartened. That was easier than Kanaya had assumed it would be. Not that it was any of her business. She was also a bit disheartened about how Homecoming was looking for her, but perhaps she needed to take some initiative? Clearly asking Rose to the dance wasn’t a thing that was going to happen, but Kanaya had another idea. Even if Rose didn’t… swing that way, she could pass it off as a friendly invite.

 grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

GA: Good afternoon Rose  
TT: Oh, hello, Kanaya.  
TT: I was beginning to wonder if I’d ever hear from you again.  
TT: It’d be a shame if your jade text ceased to grace my inbox with its presence.  
GA: Oh  
GA: Yes well I was just pondering  
GA: I will be attending the football game this Friday in support of my sister  
GA: She’s running for Homecoming Queen  
GA: I was hoping you might accompany me?  
TT: Well as it turns out, I was already planning on attending the game.  
TT: I trust you won’t mind if Dave tags along?  
GA: Of course not.

            Damn. Okay. Maybe she could convince Karkat to come with her. Only if that wouldn’t be weird. She’d feel more comfortable if it were four of them, rather than making Dave be a third wheel.

 TT: I appreciate that.  
TT: It seems like he is having a…  
TT: Um.  
TT: Rough time at home lately.  
TT: Socializing more might be good for him.  
GA: Oh  
GA: A rough time?  
TT: Yes, but it really isn’t my business to share.  
TT: I needle and pry when it comes to him because he is family and I’m worried about him, but I’m not sure he’d appreciate me telling all our friends about the situation.  
GA: Ah I see  
GA: Well I was going to attempt to convince Karkat to join me at the game  
GA: Perhaps we could all meet up  
TT: Sure, that sounds like it would make for a nice evening.  
GA: I’m looking forward to it.

 grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

             Before Kanaya could put her phone back in her purse, she received another message.

 cuttlefishCuller [CC] began pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

 CC: Hey Kanaya!!  
CC: I told Karkat earlier and maybe you heard from him but I’m inviting everyone over to my place before Homecoming to take pictures together!  
GA: Oh  
GA: No I hadn’t heard  
GA: And  
GA: That sounds fun  
CC: Yay!!  
CC: And you can bring whoever you want, if you had a date or something  
GA: Ah I do not  
GA: And I believe the person whom I had in mind is likely already in attendance  
CC: Oh, okay.  
CC: Well just wanted to keep you in the loop.  
GA: It is very much appreciated.

cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

            Kanaya managed to get off her phone just as they pulled into the mall parking lot. She, Porrim, Meulin, and Nepeta made their way towards the dress shop while Karkat, Kankri, and Cronus went to do their own thing.  
            “Ahh, this is so exciting!!” Nepeta said, grinning when they walked into the store. “I don’t even know where to start!” Nepeta always managed to have an overabundance of energy. Kanaya didn’t understand how she did it.  
            “I think green might be good on you, Nepeta,” Kanaya said, pulling her away from the gratuitous amounts of purple tulle she was eyeing up. And she said it truthfully; olive would probably compliment Nepeta’s skin tone. They both stood next to Porrim, who was glancing thoughtfully upwards at a few dresses. “What are you thinking about, Porrim?” Kanaya asked her sister.  
            “Mm, I was thinking I might mix it up this year. Maybe black, or even red.” Kanaya hummed at Porrim. Porrim had good taste, even if hers was a bit more… _risqué_ than Kanaya’s own personal preference. Kanaya dwelled in the section of green dresses, Meulin sticking next to her while Porrim walked in circles around the store, passing over most of the selections, and Nepeta ran about in a pretty random manner, picking up anything she thought was even _remotely_ cute. After a while, the four girls made their way to the fitting rooms and made a point of showing each other their dresses as they tried to pick just one, each. Kanaya was in her stall still when she heard Porrim mutter something to Nepeta and Meulin.  
            “Is this too much for high school?” she asked the Leijons. There was a quite moment, then Porrim snickered. “Close your mouth, darling, you’ll catch flies.”  
            “Mm, sorry Porrim! It’s just… no wonder everyone thinks you’re so hot!! If we weren’t basically cousins, I’d probably want to date you!” Meulin said. What an awkward compliment.  
            “That’s… flattering, I suppose… at any rate, I think this might be a bit too risqué for Homecoming.” Kanaya supposed Porrim was changing her mind due to the campaign. Things had to be kept school-appropriate. Even though Kanaya hadn’t actually seen the dress. “Though I do like yours, Meu.”  
            “Yeah! I think I’m going to get this one.” Sounded like Meulin had made her decision. Kanaya was still trying to decide, but she was down to two, and she held one in her arms to compare to the one she was currently wearing and walked out of her stall just as Nepeta had gone back into hers.  
            “I can’t decide between the two,” Kanaya explained to the older girls. Porrim glanced at her for a moment, then answered.  
            “Definitely go with the one you’re wearing,” she said. Kanaya did a twirl, showing off the detailing of the dress. It was a jade green, with a bit of lace overlay on the torso, which was embellished with a silver piece just above where it fell into the skirt. She nodded at Porrim, and then they all turned to Nepeta’s closed stall door. It open slowly, making for a dramatic reveal when she walked out in—oh god, what was that hideous puffy nonsense? Kanaya winced, trying not to look _too_ offput by the choice. It was very… Nepeta.  
            “Ehh… Nepeta, are you sure you don’t want one of the other ones? I thought the pink looked lovely on you,” Kanaya said, not so subtley trying to coerce Nepeta towards maybe making a different selection.  
            “Mmm, nope! I like this one,” she said, smiling.  
            “I like it!!” Meulin echoed.  
            “Yay!! Oh, I almost forgot. I need to send a picture to Equius.”  
            Kanaya and Porrim exchanged a knowing look, but both held their tongues.

            Kanaya busted out her sewing machine when she got back home, put on her “inspiration” playlist, and started working on a shirt and vest for Eridan, thankful she had measurments on hand. It wasn’t the first time she’d been enlisted in making an outfit for a friend. When she was done, she ironed it out and folded it neatly, placing it into a bag separate from her school supplies to keep it from wrinkling. Eridan was beyond grateful to see it delivered.  
            “Kan, thank you so much.” His eyes absolutely lit up, only enlarged even further by his glasses. Kanaya nodded subtly at him as she handed the bag to him.  
            “It was no trouble,” she assured him, and they walked to history class together, along with Feferi.  
           

            Friday rolled around, the night of the Homecoming game, and Kanaya was a bit nervous to be going out with Rose, even if it wasn’t quite a date since Dave and Karkat were coming. Kanaya was toting Karkat along as he grumbled about the chill.  
            “Really, why does it get so fucking cold at night? Like obviously there’s no sun, but it’s fucking FREEZING.”  
            “And that is exactly why we brought a blanket. Here, stop being a baby,” Kanaya chided, finding a seat on the bleachers and letting Karkat settle next to her. After a few moments, Kanaya heard another voice call her name, and looked up to find Rose, with Dave not far behind her.  
            “Hello, Kanaya,” Rose said, sitting down next to Kanaya. Kanaya felt her face immediately redden, and she was suddenly very relieved it was dark out.  
            “Hello, Rose. How are you doing this evening?” Rose took out her own blanket and gestured to share with Kanaya.  
            “I must admit, I was surprised you asked me about spending the game together.” Kanaya huddled close to Rose. Gosh, she was warm. And Kanaya couldn’t help but notice Dave looking a bit misplaced on the other side of Rose. After a bit, Rose nudged Dave with her shoulder and nodded towards Karkat, who wasn’t really paying attention, and Dave huffed a bit before standing and circling around the two girls to sit down next to Karkat. “Don’t mind him,” Rose muttered. “He doesn’t know how to handle his emotions.” Something suddenly dawned on Kanaya, but she considered it rude to ask. It seemed like something might be happening with Dave and Karkat. Even if Karkat would never admit it. She was just happy to spend some time talking to Rose (and poorly attempting to flirt), and while the night did end with some disappointment, as Porrim did not win Homecoming Queen, it was altogether pleasant, up until a run-in with Eridan. Kanaya supposed Dave must have bumped into him, because he immediately turned and snapped.  
            “Watch where you’re going, you fuckin’ peasant!” Eridan shouted. Kanaya and Rose jumped a bit, exchanging a glance.  
            “Dude did you literally just call me a peasant?” Dave asked.  
            “Eridan, what the actual fuck?” Karkat snapped back. “It was an accidental bump. No need to lose your shit.” And then Eridan’s eyes moved to meet Kanaya’s, and Kanaya gave him the sharpest glare she could manage, trying to mentally remind him that she’d just done him a favor; that he was being a gigantic ass. He grit his teeth, then walked off with a frustrated grunt.  
            “What was that about?” Dave asked.  
            “Ugh, nothing. He’s just a prick sometimes,” Kanaya answered.  
            “Best to ignore that guy when he’s being a jackass,” Karkat added. He was pretty much right; even if Kanaya’s inklings were right and he was dealing with… uh… stuff, that wasn’t really an excuse for being a jerk to people.

            Homecoming was the next day, and Kanaya was admittedly a little nervous. Still, she and Porrim made it over to the Peixes home in one piece (her friends were meeting there with Meenah as well) took their pictures, had dinner, and went to the dance with little drama unfolding (there was drama but Kanaya was trying to avoid it). At some point throughout the night, Kanaya found herself leaning against a wall, shooting small smiles at Rose from across the gym. She tried to enjoy herself, but the truth was that she was not a very good dancer, nor was she very smooth. After a while, it looked like Rose said something to John and Dave before walking over.  
            “Didn’t take you to be a wallflower, Miss Maryam,” she said, leaning against the wall next to Kanaya.  
            “Ah, yes, well I’d hate to interrupt anyone’s dancing.”  
            “Seems we’re all just bouncing around the group rather than sticking to one partner. Surely there’s someone you’d like to join?”  
            “Umm…” Kanaya felt herself blushing as she did so often around Rose. “Well, about that, I…” her voice trailed as she looked back up across the room. John was asking Vriska something… was he… was he asking her to dance? Kanaya nodded towards them as she continued talking. “Seems you yourself just lost your partner. Would you like to dance?”  
            “Oh. Sure. It would be a pleasure,” Rose answered, stepping away from the wall and extending her hand to Kanaya. The two took to the dance floor during a song that was appropriately slow, but not _too_ slow. Kanaya and Rose were holding hands during the dance, with their other hand at the other’s waist. Kanaya wasn’t going to pretend to not be embarrassed by the close proximity, but she was actually a little bit proud of herself for initiating. She’d already gotten closer to Rose in less than two months than she had to Vriska in over two years. “Kanaya, _je peux juste dire que vous avez l’air magnifique ce soir,”_ Rose said, a thin smile on her face and Kanaya suddenly wished she understood French more. Her unsure expression must have been apparent, because Rose gave a small laugh. “You look beautiful.”  
            “Oh. Oh! You do as well,” Kanaya answered. God, she hoped that wasn’t some kind of faux pas.  
            “Hm, thank you,” Rose mused, and then she peered over Kanaya’s shoulder for a moment.  
            “Is there something wrong?”  
            “I have my concerns about Dave’s current living situation, actually…” Rose’s voice trailed. They turned in a circle, allowing Kanaya to see that Terezi and Dave were dancing together, his sleeves pushed back and her hand on his arm. The song ended and Terezi let go. Kanaya couldn’t make out either of their expressions, both because of the dimly lit room and because of their respective pairs of glasses. Dave glanced towards the door, then asked Terezi something else, and then left. Rose, no longer holding herself so close to Kanaya, was also witness to the scene. “Looks like our cousins have a certain… let’s say, interest in each other.”  
            “Oh?”  
            “I am going to be upfront, here, I know for a fact that Dave has feelings for Karkat, and I _believe_ Karkat may be suppressing feelings for Dave. My proposition is this: you and I collude to get them together.”  
            Kanaya wasn’t entirely sure how to respond to that. She wasn’t sure if Rose’s assumption that Karkat had a crush on Dave was entirely correct, but she wasn’t sure it was _wrong,_ either. Actually, Karkat’s disgruntled-ness at Dave flirting with Terezi was telling, the more she thought about it. And, it was kind of a reason to talk to Rose even more, which admittedly, she was not in a position to turn down. Which felt selfish, but they were both just trying to make their cousins happy. Right? “Very well, then. Collude we shall.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmmmm i had a hard time writing this idk why
> 
> translation: can i just say you look magnificent tonight?


	5. The Problem With Dave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanaya learns a few things and doesn't know what to do with the information

            Kanaya was dropping hints about Dave to Karkat, but she was unsure whether or not he was actually taking to it. Things did see a shift, however, around the Halloween party. Discussion of the Halloween party was initiated by Tavros.  
            “Hey, guys, my parents are out of town, so I was thinking of, having a Halloween party, at my house maybe?” Tavros said, to which Vriska let out a condescending laugh. Why was she always like that? Vriska was so sharp and derisive and _aggravating._  
            “That’s ballsy, Tavros. What happens if you get in trouble?” Vriska asked. Kanaya rolled her eyes.  
            “Ummmm, I don’t know… Rufioh’s in charge,” Tavros muttered.  
            “Ohhhhhhhh, no nosey neighbor babysitting this time?”  
            “I haven’t seen Mr. Boxcars around the last couple days. I think it should be fine.”  
            “That sounds really fun, Tavros,” Terezi said, clearly trying to get Vriska off of Tavros’ back. “It’s been a while since we all had a party.”  
            “I’ve been meaning to host more! I think the holiday season will be better for parties at my house,” Feferi said.  
            “Th- that’s okay, Fef, you shouldn’t have to host all the time. So, yeah, you guys are all invited over for Halloween.”  
            “Halloween sucks, though,” Sollux griped. Kanaya caught Feferi shooting him a glance, and then he changed his attitude. “Ah—fine, sounds like a plan then.”  
            “Yeah?” Tavros said, a note of excitement in his voice. Honestly, Kanaya kind of wished she was closer with him. He deserved better treatment than what he got. “Oh… where’s Aradia?”  
            “Don’t look at me! I have no idea what her deal is,” Sollux snipped.  
            “Oh no… um… Nepeta, you have your next class with Aradia, right?”  
            “Yeah… we have PE together!” Nepeta answered.  
            “Could you, uh, do me a favor and tell her about the party?”  
            “Of course, Tavfurros!” 

            Once the details of the party were settled, the group went their separate ways for 5th period, and that was that. Kanaya, however, received a cryptic message from Rose that Saturday, before she went over to Karkat’s to get ready.

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

 TT: I hate to involve you in the personal drama of my family  
TT: But to be honest, I need a place to vent about my concerns.  
GA: I am all ears  
TT: Regardless of our current plans for Dave and Karkat, I’m worried about Dave in different regards.  
TT: It’s come to my attention that “Bro” may not be the best guardian.  
GA: How so?  
TT: Dave has made some comments to me that, under different circumstances, could be considered just “off-hand comments”  
TT: But pairing that with some information given to me by Terezi, things are pointing towards Bro being  
TT: Abusive.  
TT: And admittedly, that was hard for me to type but it will be harder for Dave to even realize.  
GA: Oh  
GA: Wow  
GA: Is there anything I can do  
TT: I don’t think so, unfortunately.  
TT: Truth be told, I just wanted to talk about it.  
TT: To make things better, Bro has already agreed to pick me and him and John and Jade up from the party tonight.  
TT: The best thing I can think of is to help Dave socialize more; have more people in his corner.  
TT: I know the plan was to get him and Karkat together, but perhaps we should just start with helping them be friends.  
GA: Whatever you think is best  
GA: Though I DO think that Karkat may have feelings for Dave  
GA: He won’t pursue those feelings on his own so if he asks for advice do you have anything you want me to avoid?  
TT: It’s very kind of you to ask, but do whatever you think is best.  
TT: And I appreciate you lending an ear.  
TT: Part of me wants to discuss this with Dirk but to be honest, I’m not sure if that would actually accomplish anything.  
GA: Oh of course  
GA: Please know that if you ever need someone to talk to I am always here  
TT: Thank you.

tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

            Kanaya wasn’t sure what to make of it all. Dave was getting hit at home? Was the middle brother aware of it and not doing anything, or was he just oblivious to it? Neither options seemed like good ones, and Kanaya wanted to help, but… but would it be overstepping her bounds? She often got accused of bugging and fussing and meddling, and she didn’t want Rose to see her that way. Maybe dealing with Vriska had skewed the way Kanaya behaved towards crushes. Dealing with Vriska made everything a game, which sucked. Rose wasn’t like that. Kanaya took a deep breath. The best course of action was not to overthink things. So, she didn’t. Kanaya went over to Karkat’s like she was supposed to, and got ready for the party like nothing had changed. And, of course, the topic of Dave was brought up again. Apparantly, Rose’s claim was true, and Dave had shown Karkat his scars. According to Karkat, Dave had boiled it down to “strifing on the roof” and didn’t think it was a big deal. Kanaya was taking up the bathroom while Karkat vented to her.  
            “It’s just like… obviously people are concerned about him; he’s being a batshit stubborn pile of steaming shit about this whole thing,” Karkat griped.  
            “Yes, Rose has told me about her concerns.”  
            “What?”  
            “They’re cousins,” Kanaya explained.  
            “Huh. Somehow that makes sense. How are things going with Rose, by the way?”  
            Kanaya thought about the question for a moment. “I find it a bit difficult to parse through her sarcasm to find the nuggest of genuinity. However, I do think my flirting is being reciprocated.” She was quick to change the subject, though, not wanting to dwell on her own romantic failures. “Regarding Dave, has it occurred to you that he _can_ handle the situation on his own?”  
            “But he clearly hasn’t done anything. Isn’t it fucked up that the kid has been gashed by a sword on more than one occasion?”  
            “Of course it is, but there’s not much that you or I or anyone other than him can do about it. I thought you didn’t care about Dave, anyway.”  
            “Well… I don’t know. I don’t _totally_ hate him,” Karkat said, hesitance in his voice. Kanaya perked up at this a bit.  
            “I would loathe to insinuate such a thing. Though, I do wonder sometimes…”  
            “What? What the fuck are you talking about, Maryam? You can’t just leave a thought there like that.”  
            “Is it at all possible that… and I do hope you won’t mind me asking, but, your jealousy of his friendship with Terezi—”  
            “I’m not jealous.”  
            “Of course not,” Kanaya said, waving a hand dismissively. “But, it seems you’ve interpreted those feelings as being jealous of him for getting close to Terezi, but could it be that you’d rather be the one close to Dave?” Kanaya was genuinely asking a question, not trying explicitly to aggravate Karkat, but it must’ve seemed like the same thing, because Karkat sounded _very_ upset with his next comment.  
            “That is so fucking stupid. I can’t tolerate any of his insipid douchebag bullshit. Any goddamn feeling I have near him is more like… twitchy-eyed projectile vomiting while perforating my dick with a fork.” Ew.  
            “Yes but you say you hate John as well, and yet I recall you finding him mildly cute. Is it so far fetched to suggest that this overemphasized hatred may be an underlying theme with your crushes?”  
            “Okay, now I _know_ you’ve been spending too much time with Rose; you’re absorbing her psychoanalysis bullshit. And _yes,_ Dave is cute. I’m not goddamn blind. But it doesn’t matter; I’m an unlovable piece of shit, and Dave is probably straight anyway.” Well, that didn’t sound right. Rose had insinuated Dave wasn’t straight. Maybe he wasn’t out… Kanaya pursed her lips.  
            “Oh? What makes you say that?” she asked.  
            "It’s just my shitty luck.”  
            “Don’t be so pessimistic,” Kanaya said, and then went back to finishing her makeup. It seemed like the best course of action was to not be _too_ upfront about it. She just wanted to… nudge Karkat in the right direction; maybe he’d at least _try_ to be friends with Dave. She took another breath and took a step out of the bathroom and did a twirl, not able to keep herself from smiling.  
            “Okay, you look perfect as ever; can we go? Nepeta!” Nepeta came down the hall when she was called, and the three made their way to Tavros’ house. Kanaya put her bag with the others and immediately made her way through the halls. Tavros had really put a lot of work into making the house look cool for Halloween. Vriska was in the middle of the living room, hounding Terezi.  
            “…why you’re always on my case, it’s not like I’m just stringing him along.”  
            “That’s exactly what you’re doing! Your unresolved feelings are fucking over not one, but two guys.”  
            “You’re one to talk, your nonsense with Dave and Karkat is ridiculous.”  
            “I am not leading either of them on. I have been clear with Karkat: I don’t have romantic feelings for him. And I don’t have any romantic feelings for Dave, either. Whatever Karkat has complained about, he’s just projecting. I think _he_ has feelings for Dave, but far be it from me to suggest that to him. It would just send him into one of his patented shitfits.” Okay, so Kanaya wasn’t the only one picking up on that. Karkat covered romantic feelings with trying to act like he hated someone. Even if he wasn’t aware of his own feelings. But Vriska and Terezi’s conversation was cut off because Vriska suddenly realized Kanaya was there.  
            “Hey Maryam, having fun being a nosy busybody?” Vriska said, sharply.  
            “What?”  
            “You, standing there eavesdropping?”  
            “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize standing in the room at a party we were both invited to constitutes eavesdropping,” Kanaya said, her voice bitter. She was so done dealing with Vriska. It seemed a lot of people were getting to that point.  
            “Vriska, she wasn’t doing anything. Leave it alone,” Terezi said.  
            “Stop acting like you can tell me what to do, Terezi.” Kanaya and Terezi both just glared at Vriska, whose eyes kept darting between the two of them. “Anyway, enough bickering. Let’s get this stupid game started,” Vriska said as she walked into the other room.  
            “This ‘stupid game’ was _your_ idea,” Terezi muttered as she followed. Wow. Kanaya had no idea what the conversation she’d just walked into was, but she still felt like the response was unwarranted. She heard Vriska’s voice from the other room—sounded like she was rounding everyone up for something. Kanaya rolled her eyes, but couldn’t help but to wander into the other room as well. Apparently John (and the others—why was it always the 4 of them?) had just come in, and Vriska was very clearly excited about that. Kanaya wasn’t one to judge; she was pretty excited about that, too. And then Vriska turned made an announcement.  
            “Alright, everyone, it’s time for 7 Minutes in Heaven!” Kanaya immediately rolled her eyes as Rose shuffled into line next to her.   
            “Vriska, please, this is so ridiculous,” Sollux lisped. “Besides, what the fuck has this got to do with Halloween?”  
            “Shut your lispy mouth, asshat. You don’t have to play, but there’s always the chance for some alone time with the freaky girl of your dreams. I have taken the liberty of putting all the ladies’ names into this hat, and all the boys’ into Terezi’s. Tavros, if you would do the honors?”  
            “What a bunch of heteronormative crap,” Rose muttered in Kanaya’s ear.  
            “Um, Aradia…?” Tavros said, and Aradia was scooted into the closet. Kanaya was still dwelling on Rose’s comment.  
            “Rose?” she whispered.  
            “Sorry if my comment was off-putting. I just get frustrated by assumptions.”  
            “Are you…?” Kanaya couldn’t finish the thought. “Sorry. Sorry, that was about to be a very rude question.”  
            “Please, don’t apologize. If the rest of that question was, ‘a lesbian’, then the answer would be yes.”  
            Oh. Kanaya turned very red, and her attention was pulled back to Vriska. “And our lucky guy is… Equius Zahhak!” Wait, that wasn’t… huh. Weird. The only person who smiled at that was Nepeta, and she waited around for Equius while everyone else seemed to wander away, except for Sollux. Poor guy. Rose looked a bit confused by the shift in everyone’s mood, but before she could ask, she got pulled away by Dave. Kanaya didn’t know what to do with the confirmation that Rose was gay. She put a hand on her head, trying to take a deep breath. Well, they’d been flirting. Maybe the best thing to do was just, keep doing that.


	6. A Complicated History

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanaya thinks on her past crush and gets advice for her current one.

             Kanaya couldn’t help but think about her history with her friends as she fell asleep that night. Most of her friendships were pretty innocuous; people she met through other people, but the person who stuck out most in her mind was Vriska. Vriska, who despite everything about her, had some kind of charm that Kanaya couldn’t help but be suckered in by. Vriska, who was Kanaya’s first real crush, and her first heartbreak, all in one. And Vriska did it all while barely even trying. The whole thing was very unfortunate and very unrequited.

             It happened when they were 11, barely starting middle school. Before Vriska’s battle with Terezi started; before Terezi was blind and Vriska had her arm amputated. Vriska was still brash and arrogant; that sure was something that hadn’t changed since then. Maybe Kanaya had just learned since then, but when she first saw Vriska, she was definitely stunned. Not just by the way she looked, though the long blonde hair and bright blue eyes that only looked brighter behind Vriska’s glasses certainly were a part of it. But Vriska’s allure was most definitely in her confidence; in the way she carried herself, even in 6th grade. They met because Kanaya knew Karkat, and Karkat knew Terezi, and Terezi knew Vriska. It was before the group really expanded; before they started hanging out with Eridan and Feferi, before they knew Equius and Nepeta and some of the others. Sure, Sollux would hang around with Karkat sometimes, and Aradia. Tavros knew Vriska from their roleplaying group, but for the most part, it was just Kanaya, Vriska, Terezi, and Karkat, and Terezi and Karkat were something of an item, so Kanaya’s options for a romantic interest were somewhat limited, and as she thought about this in retrospect, that probably contributed greatly. When Kanaya admitted her feelings, first to herself, and then to her cousin, it was received with a less than stellar reaction.  
            “Karkat, we’re family… I can be honest with you, right?”  
            “Yeah, of course. Don’t be stupid,” Karkat answered as he examined the white roots of his hair in his cell phone camera.  
            “I think… I think I might have a crush on Vriska.”  
            “Excuse me, what?”  
            “Well, I, uh, I don’t know, I just appreciate that she has such confidence and, uh…”  
            “No. What? You, Kanaya Maryam, pretty much the nicest person on the face of the planet, has a crush on Vriska FUCKING Serket, someone I find so obnoxiously arrogant it makes me want to punch _myself_ in the throat.”  
            “She’s not that bad, is she?”  
            “God, I don’t know. I _guess_ not. It’s not like she’s ever hurt someone. Uh, that I’m aware of. Shit. Do what you want.”  
            “Well I can’t say I’m encouraged by your opinion of her character.”  
            “She just rubs me the wrong way.”  
            “Hmm,” Kanaya pondered it for a while. “I will see how things go,” she muttered, more to herself than to answer Karkat. 

            In the year that passed, Kanaya was working up the courage to talk to Vriska more and more, trying to show the girl that she cared probably more than she should, but it seemed to come off as motherly nagging. At least, that was how Vriska seemed to see it. Finally, on the same afternoon that Kanaya had resolved to confess to Vriska (despite the situation with Terezi that had occurred during that time), Feferi, who nobody _actually_ seemed to know that well, but not only happened to share classes with her, but she had such a positive, optimistic disposition that nobody minded the fact that she spontaneously started hanging out with them, introduced the group to Eridan Ampora. And Vriska’s eyes sparked when Eridan looked at her, and Kanaya knew immediately what that meant. Before too long, Vriska and Eridan were in the most rival-based contentious relationship Kanaya had ever seen. (Well, they were 12 so she hadn’t seen a lot but, still, she couldn’t help but wonder about their seemingly unusual dynamic) Not long after that, Tavros had his accident, and everyone seemed to speculate about the hand Vriska may or may not have played in it, and she was pretty much solidified as the group bitch. All this _still_ couldn’t deter Kanaya’s feelings, as much as she wished she wasn’t having them. And one afternoon, Kanaya found herself walking to class with Vriska in an all-too-awkward silence before Kanaya felt the need to ask a question, pointless though it seemed.  
            “So… how are things with you and Eridan?” Vriska scoffed at her through a surprised smile.  
            “What?”  
            “I was just wondering… I only ask because you two seem a bit… contentious.”  
            “Are you _seriously_ worried about the state of my relationship?”  
            “Well, I—”  
            “‘Cause it doesn’t seem like you. You seem to clam up whenever it’s about me and Eridan.”  
            “I was only asking to see if you were okay. Like I said, it seems a bit contentious.”  
            “It’s a _playful competition,_ Kanaya. Why do you even care, anyway? The way you’re pretending to be concerned is so obvious. Like, wow, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you have a crush on me. And if I were more into girls, maybe I’d think about it! Haha!” Kanaya fell silent, her heart twinging. That was the moment Kanaya realized it would never work out between her and Vriska.  After that conversation, Vriska seemed to put even _more_ of an emphasis on her relationship with Eridan, and then her (on-again-off-again) thing with Tavros. She seemed to rub it in Kanaya’s face dileberately, and took some kind of joy out of being cruel, even if she would just call it playful teasing. That was often how Vriska was, unaware of how her “teasing” actually hurt those around her. But despite this, Kanaya never got over Vriska until she met Rose, instead turning into someone who came off as chiding and over-worried. Ugh.

            Kanaya tried to forget it, and think about what Rose’s statement meant for them. What she’d previously thought was just playful joking suddenly shifted into an _actual reciprocation_ of her (admittedly mild) flirting. Kanaya was so gunshy about making _any_ advancements. She had no approximation of how romance was supposed to work, and she was half-tempted to talk to Karkat about it, but she didn’t want to get him going. Worse yet, she was hesitant to even continue pursuing things, at least for the moment, as it sounded like Rose was getting tangled up in family drama. She resolved to get some advice about the situation, and went to Porrim’s room when she got home from Tavros’. Porrim was still asleep, but jolted upwards when Kanaya knocked on the door.  
            “I’m up!”  
            “Oh, I’m sorry, Porrim, I didn’t realize you were still asleep.”  
            “Mm, Meenah had a party last night and I might be a little hung over. But… it’s fine. Err, did you need something?”  
            “I just wanted to talk to you about, uh, girls, I guess.”  
            “Oh. Okay. Give me a few minutes, I’ll meet you downstairs. And, uh, could you make some coffee?” Kanaya nodded at her sister, and wandered back down the stairs. She was just turning the coffee pot on when Porrim came downstairs and slumped into one of the barstools. Kanaya poured her coffee and creamer and Porrim only said anything after a long sip. She focused her bleary eyes on her little sister, and tutted. “So, romance troubles?”  
            “Um… yes,” Kanaya said, hesitating a bit. “The current situation is that, I have developed a crush on a girl named Rose, from my French class. And, well, while I may have been trying to flirt with her, I didn’t take her reciprocal flirtatious comments at face value. To be honest, I felt as though she may have been being facetious. But she told me last night that she is also, in fact, a lesbian.”  
            “She probably likes you. I mean, if she was flirting back and the only reason you didn’t pick up on it was because you thought she was straight…”  
            “Well, yes, I understand that now. But now I overthink everything even _more_ when I talk to her.”  
            “As clichéd as this is going to sound, just be yourself. Like I said, it sounds like she already likes you.”  
            “Right,” Kanaya pursed her lips for a moment. “Yes, okay. There is one other thing, though, that does somewhat complicate the issue. There is a good amount of… family drama, it seems, that is keeping Rose’s attention.”  
            “Do you know exactly what the drama is?”  
            “Porrim, now is not the time for gossip.”   
           “Right, right, I’m sorry.”  
            “She’s worried about her cousin, and his current living situation, and I don’t want to take her focus away from that because obviously that’s more important.”  
            “Well, just do what you think is right. Let her know you’re there for her, and wait for the situation to be resolved. Listen, Kanaya, I’m going to be blunt here but you have a tendency to… well, you know how Karkat can be impulsive and says stuff without really thinking it through?”  
            “Yes…?”  
            “You tend to do the opposite; you think things through _too_ much and scare yourself off from your own crushes.”  
            “Mm… well, I suppose that’s not an unfair assessment. Okay, thank you, Porrim.” Porirm nodded curtly before gulping down the rest of her coffee and plopping onto the couch. Kanaya was tempted to follow suit, and take a break from her mental exhaustion, but she was prevented from doing so by a buzz from her phone.

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

 TT: I apologize for bothering you with my own familial issues yet again  
TT: But since you expressed concern about Dave I thought it only fair to inform you that he left his brother’s apartment last night.  
TT: Without informing ANYONE, which certainly caused some stress to Dirk.  
TT: Regardless, we all heard this morning that he is safe, and currently at John’s house.  
GA: Oh  
GA: Well I am glad to hear that  
GA: It is good to know he’s safe  
TT: Yes, it is a bit of a relief.  
TT: Don’t get me wrong, this is far from over.  
TT: According to Dirk, he was on an angry rampage this morning and the only reason swords didn’t get involved again was because Braiden knows Dirk might actually beat him in a fight.  
TT: It’s going to turn into a custody battle.  
TT: My mother has been shouting at him over the phone for about an hour.  
GA: Is your mother going to fight for custody?  
TT: She wants to but I don’t think Dave would accept it.  
TT: It seems more likely that he’s going to hide out at John’s until Dirk is 18.  
TT: Then Dirk can become his legal guardian.  
GA: Ah I see  
TT: There are other measures that are going to need to be made.  
TT: I dread the idea of Dave having to meet with Braiden again, particularly if there are lawyers involved.  
TT: But this is certainly a step in the right direction.  
GA: It seems Dave has finally realized there was a problem and is taking measures to fix it  
GA: Or at least put himself in a safer environment  
GA: I do think you should focus on yourself for a bit  
GA: It must be taking tremendous mental energy just dealing with this  
TT: It has been a lot.  
GA: I can imagine  
GA: But now that Dave is safe, you should take the day to relax  
GA: Let your mother deal with the legalities  
TT: That is probably best.  
TT: Thank you, Kanaya.  
GA: It is my pleasure  
GA: I am always here if you need to talk

 grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

             Kanaya smiled to herself. This was… this was good. This was progress. If nothing else, she was just glad to have established a friendship with Rose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow this took me so long partially because i was at AX and partially because I had major writer's block. its rly short for my chapters too. and uhhhh honestly kind of losing motivation for this series? Idk if it'll end up being 16 parts, i might skip some tbh because like? Nobody seems to care about it anymore? but i wanna write the lalondes, the pyropes, the serkets, the striders, and like probably the amporas so idek


	7. Porrim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Porrim tries to have a night out with the girls

             Porrim ran a hand over her face. She’d spent the Sunday afternoon recovering the prior night’s party, and was finally beginning to feel better after a full day of nothing, but she still didn’t want to go to class. She dragged herself up anyway, and went to class. The day was uneventful until Kankri came in late to ceramics, and Porrim had an idea of where he’d been since he’d mentioned maybe not being celibate anymore? That and he said something very loudly to Cronus outside the door.  
             “…your thick fucking skull, excuse my language, then maybe I have more to think about,” she heard Kankri say. Another moment passed, and then Kankri came in and flopped into his seat next to Porrim. She was grinning at him, having been an advocate of ‘do not go near Cronus he is a sleazy sack of garbage’, and was feeling a bit of this ‘I told you so’ glee, but she wasn’t about to get into it.  
             “Please do not even start with me, Porrim,” Kankri sighed, rolling his sleeves up.  
             “You don’t want to talk about it, Kanny?”  
             “I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t call me that. We’ve talked about this. That’s something you call a child. Do I look like a child to you, Porrim? No, I don’t. It’s been three years, for, excuse me, “fuck’s” sake. I think we can safely retire that particular term of “endearment”. Call me anything but that, even my other nickname. I’m actually okay with that one.”  
             “I’m not calling you ‘Insufferable’, Kanny.” Meenah was behind that one. Apparently he reminded her of someone from a book, The Sufferer, and she thought ‘The Insufferable’ was funny. And, yeah, Kankri was pretty insufferable. “Well, not unless I’m using it as an actual adjective. And even then, probably not to your face. Well…” Porrim thought it over for a moment.  
             “It would be nice if you’d at least use my proper name in front of Karkat, then. It really kind of erodes my credibility, and I don’t need that in the proximity of a fresh-faced youngster who clearly thirsts for knowledge. Why would you want to sabotage a fine young man’s education like that?”  
             “Rolling my eyes here.”  
             “Could you go roll them somewhere else?”  
             “Typical,” Porrim muttered. “A woman threatens your masculinity and you kick her out.”  
             Kankri scoffed. “No. Just no, Porrim, we’re not doing this.”  
             “Yes, how dreadful it would be for your sixty-nine-million word mental essay to get bogged down by even the faintest reference to the roles of gender in our civilization.”  
             “Look, it’s not that I’m insensitive to your concerns on that topic. I’m interested to discuss them with you on an academic, primarily theoretical level.”  
             “Theoretical?”  
             “I just think there is inherent danger in muddying the waters of my personal discourse by introducing social issues which are suspect at best, thus consuming crucial resources from the limited cache of rhetoric which propels these narratives. And furthermore, one could argue it’s more than a little problematic, offensive, even, for you to be appropriating the lexicon of sensitivity used to advance awareness of major issues, thus reducing it to the level of buzzspeak and pseudoscience. It makes it more difficult for those of us who are genuinely focused on positive change to be taken seriously, that’s all.”  
             “Appropriating? PSEUDOSCIENCE?!” Porrim balled her hands into fists the more Kankri talked about this.  
             “I’m sorry, I just don’t think there’s much there. Yes, we have specialized roles for both sexes in the process of reproduction, and there are slight social ramifications for the way civilization has evolved, but I still fail to see how gender factors into this discussion in a way that can be effectively and rationally problematized. Where is the room for unexamined privilege in the dichotomy? I don’t see it. And appropriating the talking points and awareness-raising tactics for dubious issues like this is, frankly, frowned upon, to put it politely. Such appropriative gestures only serve to marginalize and invalidate those subject to serious, real-life struggles and oppression, and I guess I’m a little disappointed to see you being so blithely and inappropriately appropriatory.”  
             Porrim took a deep breath. “Kanny, I’m starting to feel just a little bit triggered by all this ‘appropriation’ bullshit.” That was the only way to get him to shut up.  
             “Oh! My sincere apologies. I should have done a better job tagging my statements, but for future reference, it’s helpful to alert your conversational partners to your triggers well in advance. Should I give you space to call your current partner? And if so, who exactly would be filling that quadrant right now?” Well that was pretty fucking rude.  
             “Alright. You’re in one of your bratty moods. I won’t bother, then.” She went back to her work and let Kankri brood.

             Porrim’s phone went off not long after she got back from school, and whether she’d answer depended on who was messaging her. Luckily, it was Latula.

 

gamegrlCredz [GC] began pestering genderedArticulate [GA]

GC: yoooo!  
GC: popo merrygamz!!!  
GC: you would not BELIEVE what just happened  
GA: I wasn’t under the impression you were the type to gossip.  
GC: oh DAMN you got me  
GC: well does it count as gossip if it’s about me?  
GA: In that case, please do elaborate.  
GC: well ya know how me and tunez have been dating for like, EVER, but never really got physical?  
GC: i didn’t really think he’d be ready for that since, uh  
GC: well our relationship backtracked after the accident  
GA: But now?  
GC: popped mah cherry, grl!  
GA: Congratulations.  
GC: is that really something to congratulate?  
GA: Yes?  
GA: I don’t know, it is something of a landmark.  
GA: At least, in a relationship.  
GC: i dunno  
GA: Well you messaged me to tell me, I presume.  
GA: Clearly you thought a big enough deal of it to be excited to share the news.  
GC: fair point  
GC: i wanted to talk to you about it tho cause you’re the most  
GC: sexperienced?  
GC: idk if that’s like an offensive thing to say  
GA: It’s not, simply a factual statement.  
GC: kayyy, didn’t wanna come off as slut-shamey or anything  
GA: You can’t shame a slut if she has no shame.  
GA: I don’t think sexual proclivity is anything to be ashamed of.  
GA: It’s not as if I’ve cheated on anyone.  
GC: GURL you know i wish i had your kind of confidence  
GA: You know you let yourself get too bogged down in your insecurities  
GC: yah but i can’t help it  
GC: sometimes i feel like i’m just not good enough  
GC: idk, like not feminine enough or resilient enough  
GC: definitely not smart enough  
GA: Latula, you’re not giving yourself enough credit.  
GC: man i knowwww  
GC: you tell me that every time we talk about this  
GC: and then you tell me that i overcompensate with the RAD GRL schtick  
GA: You do.  
GC: i can’t help it!  
GA: I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, Latula.  
GA: Just that there may be a better way to deal with your insecurities.  
GA: If this is how you cope for now than far be it from me to stop you.  
GA: Are you still on anxiety medication?  
GC: yeah but trying to get better without it  
GA: That’s good.  
GC: i wish i could talk about this kind of stuff with mituna but we always end up talking about his issues  
GC: which is fair but like  
GA: No it isn’t.  
GA: It’s not fair to you.  
GC: actually yeah  
GC: and i kind of exploded at him today  
GA: What do you mean?  
GC: idk it was like a lot  
GC: before the sex  
GA: You yelled at him first?  
GC: it’s a long story  
GC: i yelled cause i hate to see him down on himself  
GC: and he did the same  
GC: and we decided neither of us are broken  
GA: You two certainly have an interesting dynamic.  
GA: But hey, as long as you’re both happy.  
GC: fo SHO  
GC: LOVE that boy  
GA: Well at any rate, sounds like you deserve a night out.  
GA: Whether to forget about your insecurities or to celebrate.  
GA: I know a bar that won’t card you.  
GC: oh man that would be RADICAL  
GC: but we have school tomorrow  
GA: Don’t be ridiculous.  
GA: I know for a fact that you can miss your first few classes, and I won’t be drinking, if you’re concerned about having a DD.  
GC: i mean…  
GC: ok  
GC: yeah RADICAL  
GC: sounds TIGHT popo merrygamz  
GA: That nickname…  
GA: It is… it is just so awful.  
GC: oh whoops  
GC: want me to switch back to pornstar?  
GA: …Merrygamz will be fine.

 genderedArticulate [GA] ceased pestering gamegrlCredz [GC]

            And so, Porrim prepared to go to the bar that night. She had a friend who was friends with the bouncer and bartender, and they let them in without an issue. Now, Porrim wasn’t out _looking_ for attention, but she certainly didn’t turn it away, and most of it got deflected to her anyway, since Latula was taken. This wasn’t to say guys weren’t trying to hit on Latula, too, but she always started a conversation with “sorry, I have a boyfriend”. And Porrim was still lucky enough to run into her friend, a friend she’d met at a feminism seminar at Skaia University. And, well, it was not so much ‘run into’ her friend as it was ‘witness her throwing a drink in the DJ’s face’. Porrim took a breath and approached the girl.  
            “So, Rox, you get snubbed by the DJ or something?”  
            “Porrim! What is up!” the blonde grinned at her. “And God, no. He’s my cousin, but he’s a real piece of shit.”  
            “What kind of piece of shit are we talking about, like Ampora levels, or…?” Roxy gave a puzzled expression, and then had a quick moment of realization.  
            “Oh, you meant the older one.”  
            “Yeah.”  
            “Okay, that makes more sense. Um, no, not like ‘skeezy guy hitting on me and throwing a pity party for himself to get laid’ piece of shit. Like 'physically and emotionally abusing his youngest brother' piece of shit.”  
            “Ohhhh…” Porrim muttered. _That_ made sense. It seemed like everything was connected with her friends, and their families. It was weird how much of an impact they all had on each other without even realizing—the Strider family drama (which Porrim had just been informed of; specifics, anyway) of course affected the Lalonde family drama because it was the same family, and then that drama had spilled over to Kanaya’s emotional state. It was weird and existential to think about.  
            “Honestly I don’t even know why I’m here tonight, he’s the only reason we can even get in. I came out just to throw the drink at him I guess? Not like it’s going to change anything.”  
            “Come on, let’s get a table, we can talk about it. Latula!” Porrim waved Latula over and the three of them sat on the patio outside.  
            “Hey GIRL!” Latula greeted Roxy. “I’m Latula.”  
            “Roxy Lalonde,” Roxy introduced herself.  
            “So, Rox, what’s this with your cousin?” Porirm asked.  
            “Oh. So I got a message from Dirky yesterday asking if I’d heard from Dave but I didn’t see it until later cause I was HELLA hungover from my _own_ Halloween party, and I didn’t know what was going on so I went to talk to Rose who said that Dave messaged her and he was hiding out at his friend John’s place? Anyway so we all do some prodding together and through a confusing exchange of Pesterchum chats figure out that Braiden is a complete wad. So, he’s been doing this training shit and basically saying Dave isn’t tough enough and all this like… oh fuck, what did Rose say? Stuff about toxic masculinity. She knows about it, she talks to Dave more. So we tell my mom since she’s like, I dunno, like a responsible person and she knows Braiden really well; they’re like siblings even though they’re not siblings because fuck if my family isn’t screwed the hell up,” she punctuated the statement with a laugh. “And she spent yesterday chewing him out on the phone, and then talking to John’s dad and like, figuring out legal stuff? Anyway I knew Braiden was gonna be here tonight and like up until now he and I always got along but I wanted to tell him I think he’s the worst scum imaginable. Like, who spars with a 14-year-old kid?” Porrim and Latula exchanged a look. That was a lot to process. A waiter walked by, and Roxy flagged him down. “Hey, can you get me a martini?” she asked.  
            “Sorry, Rox, I’m not supposed to be serving you anymore. Braiden told us how old you two actually are and I technically should probably kick all three of you out.”  
            “Oh come on, one more for old time’s sake?” Porrim batted her eyelashes at him, and he blushed.  
            “Well, uh… sure. But this is the last time,” he warned.  
            “Nice!” Roxy celebrated. “What about you, Por, you getting anything?”  
            “No, I’m the DD for the evening.”  
            “Tules?”  
            “Aw RAD, uh, can I get a vodka lemonade?” The waiter nodded and scurried off just before someone else walked by. Braiden. Porrim only vaguely recognized him, blond hair poking out from underneath a plain black baseball cap and thin triangular shades covering his face. His teeth were grit and his face looked vaguely sticky, like he’d washed it but didn’t get everything off. He placed his hands on the girls’ table and leaned across towards Roxy, getting uncomfortably into everyone’s personal space.  
            “Dick move, Rox. You come to my workplace and assault me?”  
            “Throwing a drink in a bar isn’t assault. Girls face worse on a daily basis and if you think child abuse and abandonment doesn’t warrant more than that then you are deluded!”  
            “Keep your voice down, you little shit, or I’m gonna lose my job.”  
            “You should! You deserve to lose everything! You’re losing your cousins, you lost your brother, you’re gonna lose your other one, and you don’t deserve the wealth you have.”  
            “If we weren’t in public, I’d—”  
            Braiden was losing his temper, and Porrim saw a moment of opportunity. “Oh my GOD, did you just grab my boob?” Porrim shouted. “The DJ just groped me!” People turned and stared.  
            “What? No I didn’t! Alex, you saw,” he said, turning to the waiter, who was just returning with Latula and Roxy’s drinks.  
            “I saw… I saw you giving these three a hard time…”  
            After something of a ruckus, Braiden got fired for harassing the guests. Porrim pursed her lips, glancing at Roxy as Braiden was escorted away. “Well, there goes our connection. He certainly does deserve it, though.”  
            “He deserves to be in jail,” Roxy spat.  
            “We all wanted him out of here,” Alex said. “He’s a fucking douchebag. So, uh, thanks, Porrim.”  
            “My pleasure,” she said, a small smile forming. Normally she hated taking that kind of action, but this? This was a good cause.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right after this, Porrim goes home and gets a Pesterchum message from Kankri, saying that Cronus cheated on him  
> (honestly this is a lot happening in one day and im trying to keep it straight lmao)


	8. Ornaments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Christmas party is... dramatic.

            Porrim and Kanaya were cruising through the mall one day, a few days before Feferi’s Christmas party, and one of the window displays caught Kanaya’s attention. There was a Christmas tree display, and Kanaya never thought much of it seeing as they didn’t celebrate Christmas (in fact, Kanaya was out wearing a sari despite it not being anywhere near a Hindi holiday to show her mother that she did respect her heritage) but there was one that caught her attention. It was a bit sparkly, in silver, a sort of semi-sphere with a miniature of the Eiffel Tower inside it. She tapped Porrim on the shoulder.  
            “Would it be completely tacky to get that for Rose?”  
            Porirm gave her sister a small smile. “No, I think it’s cute.”  
            “The ornament, or my having a crush?”  
            “I think it’s cute how much you like this girl.” Kanaya smiled softly at her sister and wandered slowly into the shop. The decorations were beautiful and soft and they glistened in the light. It was simple, but Kanaya couldn’t help but be entranced by them.  
            “It’s like you’ve never seen Christmas before, Kan,” a familiar voice said. Kanaya jumped a bit, then turned around to find the source. It was Eridan, but it was Eridan in a way she had never seen him before. His hair wasn’t gelled back, it was in loose curls around his face, his purple streak was fading into blonde and lavender, he wasn’t wearing his glasses, and he had a skirt on. He crossed his arms over his chest uncomfortably.  
            “Eri—”  
            “Shh! My dad’s around.” Eridan looked down at the floor. “Call me… Eriell.” There was a massive note of hesitation in his voice.  
            “So… you’re…”  
            “Yeah.”  
            “Hmm,” Kanaya pursed her lips. She had her suspicions, but hadn’t actually expected it to be the case.  
            “Listen, I just wanted ta thank ya again for helpin’ me out with Homecomin’. It, uh, it meant a lot to me. You’re a bloody lifesaver, Kan.”  
            “It was no problem, Eri…” she let her voice trail. Calling him by his dead name felt so… icky. “Honestly. We may not be the closest of friends but I wouldn’t want you to be uncomfortable.”  
            “You tolerate me better than most,” he admitted.  
            “Eriell!!” a voice boomed, and then a tall man came out from behind a display. Kanaya recognized him as Eridan’s father, Duncan Ampora. “Eriell, there you… oh, who’s your friend?”  
            “Oh. Dad, this is Kanaya.”  
            “Maryam?” Duncan asked, raising an eyebrow.  
            “Yes, sir,” Kanaya muttered, suddenly feeling very self-conscious.  
            “I was just saying, she acts like she’s never seen Christmas before,” Eridan muttered.  
            “My family doesn’t exactly celebrate Christmas. Well, we go to Uncle Solomon’s. This place is gorgeous though.”  
            “Were you goin’ to get something, Kan?”  
            “Oh, yes, I saw an ornament in the window. I thought it might make a nice gift for… for someone.”  
            "It’s for Rose, innit?”  
            “Perhaps,” Kanaya said, her face the slightest bit pink as she picked up the ornament in question from a nearby display. She turned it in her hands, searching for a price tag. Oh. Twenty dollars for a Christmas ornament? “Not for that much, though.” She sighed as she put it down.  
            “Ah! No, Kan, give it here. I’ll get it for you,” Eridan insisted.  
            “Are you sure?”  
            “Please. Money is not a problem. Consider it me returning a favor.” Kanaya faltered. It was… oddly thoughtful of Eridan. Usually, he seemed to be pretty self-centered. They all went to the counter, Eridan shelled out some cash, and Kanaya thanked him again before returning to Porrim, who’d been waiting outside the shop.  
            “You run into Ampora?” the older sister asked. Kanaya nodded at her. “I saw Cronus lurking around nearby. He knew better than to come over to talk to me, though, after that bullshit he pulled. I know I was giving Kankri a hard time about dating Cronus, but I didn’t _actually_ want to be right.”  
            “Mhm, I remember,” Kanaya muttered. “You were on the phone with him all night that night.”  
            “That boy is a mess,” Porrim tutted under her breath.

            As they got back into the car, Kanaya’s phone went off.

 cuttlefishCuller [CC]  began pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

CC: Hey Kanaya!  
GA: Oh hello Feferi  
GA: I’m looking forward to the party tomorrow  
CC: Oh yeah, about that.  
CC: That’s actually why I was messaging you.  
CC: Do you think you could come over a bit early and help me with decorations?  
GA: Oh  
GA: Of course  
CC: Thank you thank you thank you!!  
CC: Eridan was supposed to help but I guess something came up with his dad.  
GA: How odd  
GA: I just ran into him  
CC: Oh. Was he…  
CC: Did he look like himself?  
GA: Not exactly  
CC: Oh no.  
CC: Kanaya you have to swear to me that you won’t tell anyone else.  
GA: Of course not  
GA: I am not in the business of outing people against their will  
CC: Okay  
CC: Karkat knows and Rose knows but other than that it’s a secret between me and Eridan and Cronus.  
GA: Noted  
GA: He trusted Cronus with that secret?  
CC: I know, I was surprised too.  
CC: Anyway that was all I wanted to ask about.  
CC: See you tomorrowwwww! 

cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

 grimAuxiliatrix [GA]  began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

GA: So I hear you have been enlisted to help Feferi with décor tomorrow  
TT: Yes, I have.  
GA: As have I  
TT: Well in that case I am looking forward to it even more.  
GA: Oh  
GA: That is kind of you to say  
TT: Are you alright?  
TT: Seems like there may be something on your mind.

            Kanaya pursed her lips for a moment. Well, Feferi said Rose already knew, right? So… it was fine to talk about, right? Kanaya was, if she were to be honest with herself, not great with secrets.

  
GA: Actually I just ran into Eridan  
GA: He was with his father and it incidentally revealed something about him that I was not privy to  
GA: Well I thought about the possibility when he asked me to help out with an outfit for Homecoming  
TT: Right.  
TT: I understand it can be hard to wrap your head around.  
GA: It’s not that  
GA: I have always known him as a guy  
GA: He just looked so  
GA: Uncomfortable  
GA: And sad  
TT: Such is the situation for many people.  
TT: It’s unfortunate, yes, but until Eridan feels he is in a safe enough environment to come out I think all we can do is be supportive.  
GA: You’re right of course  
GA: I suppose I was just caught off guard  
GA: Though if you don’t mind me asking how did you know?  
TT: My sister is quite the hacker.  
TT: She messed around with the school systems to ensure that teachers would call him by the proper name, but also that his father wouldn’t find out.  
GA: Sounds complicated  
TT: I won’t pretend to understand technology the way she does.  
TT: But yes, when I began spending more time with your circle of friends, Eridan demanded I not tell anyone.  
TT: I told him I am not in the business of outing people against their will.  
GA: Odd, that’s exactly what I told Feferi just now  
GA: I understand not wanting to tell his father, but why would Eridan keep this a secret from us?  
GA: We are his friends  
TT: He probably is just afraid.  
TT: Not of you guys in particular, but of society’s view of that kind of thing.  
TT: I can’t imagine.  
TT: Coming out for me was not an issue; my sister is bi, my mother is… well, not straight, I do know that much, my cousin Dirk is gay and Dave…  
TT: Well, Dave is still figuring that out.  
GA: Yes I can’t imagine either  
GA: My sister is not exactly straight either and neither are Kankri or Karkat so I suppose it is also a pretty acceptable thing in my family  
GA: I suppose I just wish I’d known sooner so I could help him more  
TT: Well, just being a supportive friend is helping.  
TT: You made his Homecoming outfit, no?  
GA: Yes  
TT: I imagine that was a big help to him.  
GA: I suppose so  
GA: Well thank you for letting me talk your ear off about this  
TT: It is the least I can do.

 grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

            Well, that was a lot to take in. Kanaya took a deep breath and leaned her head back against the seat. Tomorrow was going to be a lot, wasn’t it? She had a feeling that, with the party and all, it was going to be a long day.

             And a long day it was. Kanaya got into another argument with her mother in regards to their religion and heritage, et cetera, when Malati caught a glimpse of the Christmas ornament in the box Kanaya was beginning to wrap, which turned into a larger argument about femininity, and wound up with Kanaya leaving for the party in a huff. Her mother was supposed to be her ride, but Kanaya just wound up calling an Uber. And then she was suddenly aware that she was going to be there early, with just Feferi and Rose, and she had an inkling that it was possible that Feferi orchestrated it this way on purpose. She still felt so awkward around Rose, and so she decided to get some advice from someone who likely knew her a bit better.

 grimAuxiliatrix [GA]  began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

 GA: You know Rose well  
GA: So you may have some insight into her disposition  
TG: what do you want  
GA: Have you found her demeanor to be chilly  
TG: what the hell  
TG: i thought you two were warming up to each other  
GA: I thought your familiarity with her may allow you to furnish me insight  
GA: She and you are familiar  
GA: She regards you with, uh  
GA: Endearment  
TG: you have no idea dude she is so in my grill  
TG: like a stray hotdog that rolled down there  
TG: and now its too much trouble to fish out with the tongs  
TG: so you just watch it like crack and turn black  
TG: whats this about  
TG: you have a thing for her don’t you  
GA: At this point I thought that was obvious  
TG: hahaha yeah  
TG: youre pretty transparent tbh  
GA: I just would like to gather  
GA: Some means of gauging her sincerity  
TG: ok well its easy  
TG: for everything she says take her to mean just the opposite  
GA: Maddening  
TG: well actually i think shes working on that whole sarcasm 24/7 thing  
TG: pretty sure she likes you too  
TG: but anyway  
TG: alright look  
TG: if you want to keep her attention you got to pull out all the stops  
TG: reverse psychology mind games all sorts of machiavellian bullshit  
TG: i mean unless youre really smooth and inherently likeable like me which youre not  
TG: i dont know you sort of remind me of her anyway so maybe thats a good thing  
GA: I believe I understand how to proceed  
TG: good luck kan

 turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

             Kanaya wasn’t sure if that was really helpful information, but she thought it over anyway. Maybe she just needed to be more relaxed about it; be more like… more like Dave. That was a weird thought, but it definitely made sense. Ok. She took a breath and reminded her not to overthink things. Just… breathe. She stepped out of the car and walked up the extravagant driveway towards Feferi’s house, gift box in hand. Feferi answered the door very exuberantely, as she was one to do.  
            “Hey Kanaya!” she said as she pulled Kanaya into a hug. “Rose should be here soon. Come in, come in!”  
           “Oh, okay,” Kanaya said, following Feferi into the house.  
           “Kanaya, can I talk to you about something?”  
            “Of course.”  
            “Okay, I feel really bad about this because Aradia is my best friend, but I kind of have a crush on Sollux… and I might go for it tonight.”  
            “Oh.” Kanaya honestly didn’t really know what to say to that. “Well… yeah, actually, I think you might be good for him.”  
            “But doesn’t that make me a bad friend?”  
            “Does Aradia have feelings for Sollux?”  
            “I don’t… I don’t know. I don’t think so?” Feferi murmured. She sounded unsure.  
            “I think…” Kanaya thought over her words for a moment. “I think you should do what makes you happy.” And that was honest, true advice. She didn’t know what was going on with Aradia, which actually kind of made her sad. At that point, she resolved to get more in touch with her other friends. It seemed like her pursuit of Rose had taken up a lot of her attention.  
            “Hmm,” Feferi hummed at her. “I guess… I guess that’s fair.” Before Kanaya could say anything else, the doorbell rang again and Feferi flitted off to answer. It was, of course, Rose. Kanaya couldn’t help but notice when Rose noticed the box on the table, and Rose put a small bag next to it, giving Kanaya the faintest bit of a smile.  
            The three girls went about their business decorating, and once Feferi was occupied with getting snacks out, Kanaya seized the moment. “I, uh, saw this in a store the other day and thought you might like it.”  
            “Oh, you didn’t need to get me anything,” Rose said, still softly smiling as she tore at the edges of the wrapping paper. The way she unwrapped it was so neat. Instead of just ripping into it, she peeled back the tape and sort of just, unfolded the wrapping paper and slid the box out. “This is lovely, Kanaya,” she said, and Kanaya felt her heart flutter a bit. “Coincidentally, I have something for you as well. Forgive my hasty packaging. I was in a bit of a rush to finish it.” Kanaya looked up in surprise as Rose slid the bag towards her. She reached in, and beneath a filling of tissue paper, there was… was that yarn? Kanaya pulled it out of the bag. It was a scarf, in stripes of red and green.  
            “Christmas colors?” Kanaya giggled a bit.  
            “I suppose. I noticed you wear green and red a lot.” Kanaya wrapped the scarf around herself.  
            “This was very kind. And unnecessary. But thank you.”  
            “Oh, I could say the same to you.”  
            They went back and forth like that for a while, and then Eridan showed up, hiding in the bathroom for a few minutes before actually saying hello, and then the four of them talked until Sollux showed up. Feferi and Eridan were chatting, and Sollux plopped into a chair at the table where Rose and Kanaya were sitting.  
            “Your dark-spectacled cousin has advised me on a more effective method for conversing with you. I think his contention is that this strategy will have the sort of opposite of the intended effect and precipitate a sort of bond between us that is established in mutual antagonism,” Kanaya said, ignoring Sollux’s derisive snort. “What do you think about this?” Rose glanced at Sollux for a moment, then spoke.  
            “I think you’re shrewd to have recognized his ploy of sabotage, and you’ve earned my compliments,” Rose answered. Kanaya smiled.  
            “Ah, see, it is working already.”  
            “What is?”  
            “I’ve listened to his advice, and have resolved to modify the approach slightly. I know what I have to do. What we have to do, really.”  
            “What’s that?”  
            “Remember the first time we spoke?” That was when Sollux got up to switched over to the couch, when Karkat came in. Kanaya was aware that Eridan was also lurking nearby, as Feferi had returned to preparing the food, and she was also aware that Sollux was probably avoiding him. The party went on without much excitement until John showed up and started talking to Vriska, which turned into a scene between Tavros and Vriska. God, Vriska was such an asshole. Kanaya saw this and began wondering what she ever _did_ see in Vriska. Her personality was… well, brash was the nice way to say it. John had words for her, after she snapped at Sollux for no reason, and then Dave came in and stopped the whole thing just by making John sit down. So much drama. And, naturally, Kanaya couldn’t help but get involved. She pestered Vriska the next day.

 grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began pestering  arachnidsGrip [AG]

 GA: Vriska I don’t understand you  
GA: You wonder why we are all beginning to pull away from you but the way you treated Tavros last night is a prime example of why we are wary of your friendship  
 AG: Ohhhhhhhh my gooooooood  
 AG: Are you going to get on my case now too?  
 AG: First John, now you.  
 AG: Why do you even care so much?  
GA: It’s not right to speak to your supposed friends in the manner that you do  
GA: I care because you’re going to hurt someone  
GA: And isolate yourself  
 AG: Fine, let me be isolated then!  
 AG: You think I don’t know I have problems?  
GA: No  
GA: I know you are aware  
GA: I just don’t think you’re going to do much about it  
 AG: UGHHHHHHHH  
 AG: Why do you always bug and fuss and meddle instead of minding your own business?  
 AG: My mess of a life isn’t any of your concern.  
 AG: I’m so over dealing with your chiding.

 arachnidsGrip [AG]  ceased pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

             Kanaya closed her computer screen. Vriska was terrible to deal with. Well, maybe she was right, then. Maybe Kanaya just… _shouldn’t_ deal with her anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hrghghhgh idk what im doing with this series  
> duncan ampora is an ass 
> 
> (also my doc for this series is at like 500 pages holy fuq)
> 
> dave and kanaya chat adapted from here --> http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=003489


	9. Cousins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanaya deals with Karkat's angst and has her first date

          While the Maryams didn’t celebrate Christmas themselves, it was important to Solomon and Dessie as they had established their own familial traditions in the last few years, so they all headed over to the Vantas-Leijon household for dinner and festivities. The dinner was excellent. Between Solomon and Dessie, they had the skills of Gordon Ramsey. Kanaya couldn’t help but notice how sullen and distant Karkat was, though she also couldn’t tell if it was actually more than usual. Perhaps he was just tired from Mass. Kanaya was also notably distracted by the kitten that was following her around, whom she’d learned was named Puma Thurman. And whom she’d learned was also adorable. The night took an awkward, stomach-tightening turn when Kanaya heard her mother ask Karkat one dreaded question.  
            “So, Karkat, any girls in your life?” Oh god. Kanaya felt a wave of second-hand embarrassment. She wanted to chide her mother for being heteronormative, but bit her tongue, making eye contact with Porrim, who just sort of subtly shook her head ‘no’. Karkat sank further into his seat.  
            “No… no girls,” he muttered. Kanaya knew what he meant by that. He’d come clean about his crush on Dave not long after Halloween, but he still wasn’t exactly doing much about it, which made even less sense than before as Dave was decidedly _not_ straight, and both of them knew that. The response left a very awkward silence at the table, until Kanaya heard her father give Dessie a compliment on the meal. Things resumed to normal, more or less, Karkat still barely mulling over his food, even dessert. Then Nepeta and Kanaya cleared the table, Solomon got a deck of cards out, and they began playing poker. Kanaya wasn’t quite good at it, but it was an enjoyable evening nonetheless, except for Karkat slipping out partway through the second round.  
            “Excuse me,” he muttered before slinking off somewhere. He was gone for a while, missing the conclusion of poker and the beginning of a very competitive game of Uno. Nepeta looked up from her cards for a moment, making eye contact with Kanaya. This was an indication, and Kanaya took it as such, nodding at Nepeta before quietly excusing herself as well. She heard a sniffle as she turned a corner in the hallway. The bathroom door opened, Karkat closing the door behind him but not quite noticing Kanaya at first. He looked upset, his eyes a little red.  
            “Karkat. I wondered where you’d gone off to.”  
            “Holy crap, Kanaya, you scared the hell out of me.”  
            “Are you alright?”  
            “Nope! But I’m never alright, so it’s fine,” he grumbled. Kanaya moved closer to him and put her hand on his shoulder.  
            “Have you been crying?” she asked, noticing the spots on the ends of his sweater sleeves.  
            “Uh…” Karkat hesitated, sniffling again. “Yeah. Just dealing with the Asshole Extraordinaire™.”  
            “Oh, Dave?” she wondered. Dave was the only person Karkat used those kinds of names for. “What is it now?”  
            “I thought he had a thing with Terezi, but she says she doesn’t like him that way, and he basically pinned down that Terezi and I used to be… whatever we were,” Oh God, that had been a debacle of its own, “ _and_ that I’m not necessarily straight, and I just fucking… _can’t_ with him. I don’t even. I don’t even know why I’m so attracted to him! I hate this! I hate him and his stupid smug face and how fucking handsome he is and how easily he can figure me out! This sucks! It all sucks!” Karkat’s hands were balled into tiny fists and he was turning all puffy and red, looking like he might spontaneously burst at any given moment. “I want to rip my hideous white hair out just to alleviate some stress.”  
            “Well that won’t accomplish anything,” Kanaya tutted at him. “I suggest you just talk to him about all this, or confront it.”  
            “And how do you suppose I do that?”  
            “Ask him out.” There. Suggestion given.  
            “What?! He’s so stupid, why can’t he just see that I like him already? Why do I have to be the one to make the first move here? He’d probably say no anyway, seeing as I’m the worst shitting excuse for a human alive.”  
            “You might be surprised.”  
            “You’re plotting, Maryam.” What was with the inherent distrust?  
            “Don’t be silly. You are my cousin and I simply want you to be happy. Rose wants the same for her cousin, so I am giving you advice that would accomplish both our goals.” What Karkat didn’t know, of course, was exactly what Kanaya knew, for a fact, and that was that Dave _definitely_ had feelings for Karkat, and Karkat blushed probably more than he realized.  
            “What exactly are you saying?”  
            “All I am saying is that if you proposition Dave, he is far more likely to accept than you think.” Kanaya walked back into the main room, Karkat not all that far behind her. He was texting furiously, and she watched as his frustration collapsed and he smiled widely at his phone.

                Kanaya supposed Karkat must have been talking to Dave as she suggested, and that Dave had talked to Rose about this sudden development, because Kanaya herself received a message the next morning.

 tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

 TT: Hello, Miss Maryam.  
 TT: I trust you had an enjoyable holiday.  
GA: Oh  
GA: Yes my uncle is quite the cook  
GA: Its really just a nice meal and some family time for us though  
GA: Well I mean for the Maryams anyway  
 TT: Right.  
 TT: Sorry, I didn’t mean for that to come off as though I was assuming.  
GA: Oh no its quite alright  
GA: If you’re worried about me missing out on presents you should know that Uncle Solomon insists on getting us gifts regardless  
 TT: Ah, I see.  
 TT: He seems like a good guy.  
 TT: I’ve heard much about him.  
GA: Yes he is.  
 TT: That is not why I messaged you, though.  
 TT: I messaged you because I have been infomed that Karkat finally asked Dave on a date.  
GA: Oh?  
 TT: Yes.  
 TT: And  
 TT: Well, you and I have spent a fair amount of time fretting over them, but not only has that happened, but Dave has also gotten out of Braiden’s apartment.  
 TT: So my suggestion is that we stop fretting over those two and worry about ourselves.  
 TT: Would you like to accompany me to lunch tomorrow?  
 TT: And, to avoid any confusion, I do intend this to be a romantic outing.  
GA: Oh  
GA: Uh  
GA: Well I would be honored, Miss Lalonde  
 TT: Excellent.  
 TT: Meet me at Le Petit Chateau at 1 tomorrow.  
GA: Sounds like a date

 tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

            Oh my god, had she really just said that? “Sounds like a date” was not something Kanaya was capable of believing she’d just typed. She couldn’t even read it back in her own voice. Regardless, she had to realize that it was exactly what she wanted; a formal date with Rose Lalonde.

             Kanaya laid out several outfits the next morning, trying them all on in cycles and being decidedly indecisive about the whole thing, and Porrim was of no help.  
           “They’re all very nice, Kanaya, and honestly I think you’re over-stressing about this whole thing, You have a good sense of style. Don’t fret about it,” Porrim said. Kanaya huffed at her.  
            “Do you know how helpful that actually is, Porrim? The answer is ‘not at all’.”  
            “Don’t be snarky. I was trying to be reassuring.” Kanaya took a breath.  
            “You’re right; I’m sorry. I’m just nervous.”  
            Porrim giggled a bit. “Here,” she stood up, setting her book down on the nightstand and pacing over to Kanaya. “Do… do the sheer white top and the jade skirt.” Kanaya complied with her sister’s suggestion, then spun around, investigating herself in the mirror. “Perfect,” Porrim muttered behind her.  
            “Needs some jewelery, I think,” Kanaya answered. She picked up a pair of small golden studs and put them in her ear piercings.  
            “Kan, have you ever thought about getting another piercing?” Kanaya turned towards Porrim.  
            “I don’t know, maybe a cartilage piercing. I wouldn’t want anything besides my ears done, though.” Porrim’s smile dropped. “Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I just—”  
            “Ah, don’t worry about it, Kanaya. Was just wondering. Go, have fun,” Porrim said, and the two girls walked downstairs. Kanaya grabbed her purse from where she’d left it on the table near the door.  
            “Kanaya, will you be home for dinner?” Malati asked.  
            “Ah, I’m not sure, Rose has planned the afternoon.”  
            “I see. Porrim?”  
            “I’m going out with Aranea—and before you ask, Mother, no it is not a date. I know you prefer it when I date men.”  
            “Don’t be so cynical, sweetheart,” Malati muttered, but there was a note of scorn in her voice. Kanaya hated that Porrim and their mother were so at odds sometimes, but she didn’t have time to worry about their relationship. She was worried about her own. Porrim followed her outside and they got into the car. As they drove past _Le Petit Chateau,_ Kanaya caught a glimpse of Rose sitting on the patio and she could literally feel her heartbeat accelerate. Porrim dropped her off, bidding her good luck, and Kanaya approached the table Rose was sitting at, where she had a book propped open in front of her.  
            “Ah, Kanaya, good to see you,” Rose said, glancing up. She tucked the book away into her bag as Kanaya took the seat across from her.”  
            “I do hope I didn’t leave you waiting too long,” Kanaya muttered, feeling a bit embarrassed.  
            “Oh, no, not at all.”  
            “So, may I ask what you had in mind for this afternoon?”  
            “Yes, I thought we could have a bite to eat here, and afterwards, I have tickets to the MOCA, if that is something that interests you.” Kanaya lit up. The Musuem of Contemporary Art? She’d always wanted to pay it a visit.  
            “Oh, yes, that sounds wonderful. I hear their botanical gardens are simply divine.”  
            “Personally speaking, I am a bit curious about their current exhibition.”  
            “Decadent Rubbish: Defying Misfortune,” Kanaya recited.  
            “Yes, with a title like that, my curiosity could not help but be piqued. I believe it’s about—”  
            “The adaptability of household items and channeling creativity to create high-end fashion from what others would refer to as garbage,” Kanaya blurted. She’d spent several afternoons visiting the MOCA website and considering buying tickets for herself and Porrim. But she was mildly embarrassed by her own summary of the exhibition. “My apologies, I didn’t mean to interrupt. I am just very, ah, enthusiastic about fashion.”  
            “No need to apologize,” Rose said with a small smile.  
            As the date went on, Kanaya began to feel more at ease with herself. She and Rose quietly took in all the art, side by side, and Kanaya was aware of their fingertips brushing each others as they walked into the gardens. Rose stopped at one of the plaques.  
            “ _Rosa Chinensis,”_ she read. “White, pink, yellow, red, and mixed-color roses from China and Burma.” Kanaya could see Rose’s eyes scan the rest of the plaque, and then her facial expression drop, seeming slightly embarrassed. Kanaya stepped forward to see the rest of it.  
            “Donated to MOCA by Rowan Lalonde. Oh.”  
            “It’s… from her book proceeds. She told me once that she saw these,” Rose pointed, “these lavender ones while she was pregnant with me and she thought they were so beautiful, so she named me Rose. I had no idea she donated these.” Rose leaned forward, her arms on the fence.  
            “Well,” Kanaya leaned forward too, matching Rose’s posture, “I don’t think they’re nearly as beautiful as you.” Rose looked up at Kanaya in surprise, both of them quiet for a moment, just looking at each other. Kanaya’s heart was pounding. The moment was interrupted by Rose’s phone.  
            “Oh, uh,” Rose glanced at it. “Excuse me for a moment.” She wandered off a few paces, but Kanaya could still hear snippets of the conversation. “Roxy, I don’t… no. …why? Why do you… okay.” Kanaya heard Rose sigh as she walked back over. “I hate to cut this short but, uh, that was my sister. Something about the cat and my violin, so I guess I need to get going.”  
            “Oh, I see.”  
            “I’m sorry, Kanaya.”  
            “Please, don’t apologize. I had a wonderful time.”  
            “Then… then we should do it again sometime,” Rose said, giving Kanaya a little smile before she left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long  
> first it was just writer's block but then some family drama happened and i was super bummed out for a couple days  
> anyway here are teh lesbeans


	10. Collateral Damage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eridan loses his temper; Kanaya loses out at midnight.

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

 TT: I apologize for having to leave with such haste the other day.  
TT: It goes against my usual habits.  
GA: Oh no please do not worry yourself about it  
GA: It sounded like you had a situation  
TT: Yes, well, it seems as though I’m having a lot of situations lately.  
GA: Perhaps I can be of some assistance  
TT: Oh, it’s nothing, really.  
TT: In fact, things have improved greatly.  
TT: It was my fault anyway. I’d left the door to my room ajar and Mutie decided to chew on my violin strings.  
TT: Roxy ended up buying replacements for me.  
GA: Well thats good  
GA: I wasnt aware that you played the violin  
TT: Oh, yes.  
TT: Perhaps I’ll serenade you sometime.  
GA: Sounds romantic  
TT: To be completely upfront, it is probably not what you’re imagining.  
TT: While Mother always preferred that I learn classical music, which she makes perfectly clear through passive-aggressive comments, I prefer to create covers.  
TT: Do you know of the Vitamin String Quartet?  
GA: No  
TT: Ah.  
TT: Well I will have to enlighten you.  
TT: What I enjoy playing is along the lines of what they do.  
GA: I see  
GA: Well regardless I would love to hear it  
GA: Given the opportunity  
TT: Well I will keep that in mind.  
TT: I simply wanted to apologize.  
GA: I appreciate that but assure you it is unnecessary  
GA: Are you attending Feferis party this evening?  
TT: As a matter of fact, I am.  
GA: Well then I will see you there

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

            Yet again, Kanaya found herself overthinking things before she saw Rose for the evening. She wanted to wear something fun; it was New Year’s Eve, after all, and the mere idea of earning a midnight kiss made Kanaya stomach flip. She definitely _wanted_ to kiss Rose, but… she wasn’t entirely sure that she was ready. It was probable that it wouldn’t even be an issue; Kanaya was basing all her fears on the thought that Rose would even initiate something. It was just that, Kanaya was so flustered just talking to Rose. She took a breath. She didn’t want to let this become the focus of her night. She’d been consumed by her crush, and needed to remind herself to take some time with her other friends. It was something she’d recently begun feeling a bit guilty about, and had decided that was her New Year’s Resolution; no matter if things happened with Rose, whatever ‘things’ that entailed, she was going to keep her friends involved in her life. Maybe even especially Aradia. She’d seemed so distant lately. Even though she was somewhat dating Equius (ever since the debacle that was Vriska’s game of Seven Minutes in Heaven on Halloween) she didn’t eat lunch with the group very much, and when she did she was morose and quiet. Kanaya would have to shoot her a message sometime.  
            Kanaya shifted away from her computer and turned back towards her closet. There was a shimmering black dress she’d been meaning to wear, and it seemed suitable for New Year’s. She took a deep breath, consumed by everything that had been running through her mind the last several minutes, and told herself just to have fun at the party.

             While Kanaya had been aiming to get to the party early just to talk to Feferi for a bit, she found herself inconveniently (or conveniently, depending on how she looked at it) arriving at the same time as Rose.  
            “Fancy seeing you here,” Rose muttered. Her voice sounded just a bit off, though Kanaya couldn’t quite put her finger on why that was.  
            “Yes, fancy indeed,” Kanaya mused, not helping but to smile a bit. “How are you this evening?”  
            “Looking forward to the festivities,” Rose answered. The two girls walked up to the stoop together. Kanaya was trying to think of a clever retort when a crash sounded from inside, and they heard Feferi’s voice shouting.  
            “Eridan, you can’t just--! Eridan!!” There was another clatter, and then the door slammed open in front of them, and Eridan, looking startled, paused for a moment, just looking at Rose and Kanaya, before shoving his way very rudely past both of them.  
            “What a jackass,” Rose muttered under her breath. The comment felt more reminiscent of something Dave might say, and caught Kanaya a bit off guard. Eridan turned, a pink hue turning in his pale cheeks, and then he marched back towards them.  
            “You got a fuckin’ problem with me, Lalonde? Not that it’s any a your fuckin’ business, but you should know it’s not like I got it easy here, and seems like every time I make a FUCKIN’ plan it all just goes and blows up in my face, so mind your manners, you—” Kanaya felt anger swelling inside her as Eridan got way too into Rose’s personal space.  
            “Eridan!” she heard herself shout at him. He broke focus from Rose’s face, eyes snapping to attention at Kanaya. He looked the slightest bit embarrassed, then jerked away from both of them wordlessly before stomping off down the street towards his own house. Kanaya didn’t want to think about the fact that he wasn’t dressed the way his father would expect. Instead, she shot a look at Rose, sort of a confused frown, and Rose just shrugged at her. Not an aimless shrug, a ‘there’s nothing we can do about him’, and the two each took hesitant steps into Feferi’s home. Kanaya made her way cautiously towards the kitchen, where Feferi was crouched on the floor, shaking, a large knife abandoned nearby. Kanaya crouched next to her, placing a hand softly on her back until Feferi looked up at Rose. It was clear she’d been crying. Whether it was out of anger or fear or sadness was still a mystery. “Feferi?” Another moment passed and Feferi began to stand up.  
            “Feferi, are you alright?” Rose asked, extending a hand to help as well.  
            “Yeah, I just… have never seen him like that.”  
            “Eridan?” Kanaya asked.  
            “Yes… he seemed so… dark. And angry.”  
            “What happened?” Rose asked.  
            “He… got really upset with me and grabbed the knife off the counter and he looked so… I don’t know… it didn’t seem like him. Eridan has a lot of frustrations, but never in my life did I actually think he’d hurt me. Except for tonight. He seemed to realize he was way out of line, and he dropped it, and left, but…”  
            It was at that moment Kanaya noticed Sollux slumped along the opposite wall of the room. “So who did that?” she nodded towards him, alreadyknowing the answer.  
            “Eridan!” Feferi sounded more exasperated that time. “He came over early because he wants to talk to me about… well, about leaving. Running away. Doing dangerous things without thinking them through because he feels scared and hopeless. I suppose I lost my temper, too, but he’s just been so selfish, and… and _rude_ lately! I just can’t stand that kind of attitude!” Kanaya didn’t really know what to make of it all. That anger she’d felt outside was swelling up again, only greater. How could he do that to them? Sollux, okay, maybe she understood those two getting in a fight. It wasn’t the first time and it wouldn’t be the last. Maybe even his words with Rose were understandable. Her sense of humor and sarcasm didn’t work for everyone. But pulling a knife on _Feferi?_ The only person who consistently had his back; was helping him work through his troubles; the one who was _constantly_ defending him from attack by the rest of the group? To see Feferi so shaken up and scared by someone she believed to be her best friend was unfathomable. Next time she saw Eridan, Kanaya was going to deliver a quick punch in the face for all this trouble. But Kanaya knew better than to voice her frustration then and there. It wasn’t going to help anyone in that situation. Instead, she took a breath quickly.  
            “Ah. I suppose that makes sense… he did shove me aside as I came in,” she answered. Sollux grumbled in the corner, blinking himself awake, and Feferi immediately darted over.  
            “Sollux? Are you alright?” Feferi asked, kneeling down next to him. Kanaya and Rose followed, though they were mindful to give the two some space.  
            “I don’t… I don’t know. I can’t see,” Sollux answered. Rose shifted closer for a moment, trying to assess the situation.  
            “It looks like you hit your head pretty hard,” she said. “You may have damaged the optical cortex; it does lie in the back of the brain. Blindness is most likely temporary.”  
            “And how the hell do you know?” Sollux snipped at her as he tried to stand up. Feferi slipped an arm around his waist and helped him. Rose smirked a bit despite the gravity of the situation.  
            “Open a book sometime, gamer boy. Maybe you’ll learn something.” Feferi moved Sollux over to the couch, and the three girls did their best to maintain conversation despite themselves.  
            “Feferi, are you sure you’re in a… uh… proper mental state to host a party?” Kanaya asked.  
            “I’m… okay.” The hesitation in her voice gave away the lie. “Besides, it would be rude to cancel at this point. I’m pretty sure everyone is on their way, and looking forward to the ball drop.”  
            As if arriving solely to prove Feferi’s point, Dave sauntered into the house, and everyone involved was forced to immediately lighten the mood. As guests continued to arrive, the mood actually _did_ lighten, and Kanaya found herself at the kitchen table with Rose. She’d been supplied with a drink by Gamzee, and took a moment to pause and smell it before shrugging and taking a sip. Her knee was awfully close to Kanaya’s, and as the night went on, they were basically sharing a chair. Rose had never been quite that touchy before, and Kanaya tried not to think on it too much as Jade, Dave, and John joined them throughout the night. Dave sat down moments before John did, and Kanaya, having heard the exciting news from Karkat, decided to ask him about it.  
            “Hey Rose, hi Kanaya!” John greeted them as he sat down at the table.  
            “Hello, boys,” Kanaya answered, before turning to Dave. “So how exactly is it that you wound up on a date with my cousin a few days ago?”  
            Dave seemed a bit uncomfortable with the direct attention. “It’s a long story, Papaya.” Kanaya frowned at the unwelcome nickname. “Karkat is a—” Kanaya couldn’t help but have the sense that Dave was _actually_ going to tell her something until Karkat cut him off from the archway that served as the kitchen entrance.  
            “Karkat is a what, you useless fucking shitweasel?”  
            “Always with the pet names,” Dave muttered as Karkat took the last remaining seat at the table.  
            “Oh, do not even start with me. Constantly initiating messages with ‘Karkles’, ‘Karkizzle’, and my personal desperate-sounding favorite; VANTASS. I’m not sure if I should take that one as you saying I’m an ass or you saying you like my ass.”  
            “Can it not be both?”  
            Kanaya gave a small smile. Despite his irritated tone, she could tell Karkat was happy having this kind of back-and-forth with Dave. They challenged each other in the best way possible. While Dave and Karkat bickered, Tavros got into an exchange with Vriska, and he seemed very intoxicated, after which point Karkat excused himself from the table following another outburst. The answer to Tavros’ situation came moments later when the entire party heard Karkat shout from the drink table.  
            “You piece of shit! You spiked the goddamn punch!” Wait… was that what Rose had been drinking? Kanaya couldn’t help but wonder if alcohol was involved in Rose’s behavior. She didn’t have much time to wonder, though, as the countdown started moments later. Rose laid her head on Kanaya’s shoulder.  
            “Kan, do you… wanna kiss me?” Rose sounded only slightly inebriated. Kanaya hesitated.  
            “I… um…”  
            Rose’s response was a quiet laugh in her throat, a light smile, and excusing herself from the table. Kanaya furrowed her brow at nothing in particular. Had she… done something wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhhhhhhhhh honestly i feel really insecure about this series and i say this a lot but honestly i might just stop writing after The Maryams are done  
> like idk its just kinda discouraging that nobody reads/cares about HS fic anymore and i guess if i knew i had more readers then i'd keep going but right now it feels like im continuing it just for the sake of continuing it idk  
> but then again i'm literally always insecure about my writing so *shrug*


	11. Auspisticism

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanaya has a lot of feelings.

           Kanaya was disturbed for a while after what she perceived as the New Year’s debacle (in fact it was already February), and the fact that the entire group was all out of sorts didn’t help. Aradia and Vriska had gotten in a literal fistfight immediately after school got back in session, which resulted in Aradia’s suspension. Vriska’s demeanor remained as brash and coarse as always, and Eridan was even more sullen and brooding than usual. Kanaya’s thoughts were interrupted one afternoon by a very irate Karkat invading her Pesterchum inbox.

 carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

CG: Did you tell your girlfriend to keep her snooty nose out of other people’s business?  
GA: I beg your pardon?  
CG: She was spying on me and Dave on New Year’s and I can only assume she and Dave have talked about shit.  
CG: Ever since then he’s been all weird about being affectionate.  
CG: Even if that’s not her fault she shouldn’t be going around snooping on people.  
GA: I would hardly consider that to be snooping  
GA: We were invited guests in someone else’s home  
GA: It is entirely possible that she happened to wander into that room  
GA: However, yes, I will see if she knows anything about Dave’s behavior  
GA: Also, I would prefer you did not refer to her as my “girlfriend”  
CG: Well aren’t you?  
GA: I like to think of her as such, but we have not established any such titles  
CG: Huh.  
CG: But you two are practically inseparable.  
GA: Yes, well, there is _some_ kind of relationship established but we have not “made it official”, as it were  
GA: The truth of the matter is, I would like to, but am not sure how to ask  
GA: She has not even kissed me yet  
CG: Are you kidding me?  
CG: How did I get my shit together faster than you?  
GA: It is something I would very much like to remedy, if you have any suggestions  
CG: You two obviously like each other.  
CG: Just go for it.  
GA: You make it sound easy  
CG: It’s pretty much the same advice you gave me.  
CG: If you know the other person is already interested, what do you really have to lose?  
GA: I suppose…  
GA: I suppose you’re right  
GA: I will talk to her the next time I see her  
CG: Let me know how it goes.

 carcinoGeneticist [CG] has ceased pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

           Kanaya let out a deep sigh. Rose had stumbled across Dave and Karkat sharing their midnight kiss and both the boys were somewhat embarrassed about it, according to Karkat. She was a little surprised it had taken him so long to say something about it. She suspected something dwelling on his mind. But still, he had a point. She needed to speak with Rose about her feelings, and make something happen there.  
           Since school had resumed, it did not take long to see Rose again, and Kanaya found a way to procrastinate with herself until the following Thursday. Finally, Kanaya took a hard swallow before her French class, and slid into her seat next to Rose. Rose glanced over and smiled at her.  
           “Bonjour, Rose,” Kanaya said, having practiced the following sentence a lot. “”  
           Rose blushed a bit. “Your French has improved greatly.”  
           “Merci. I… uh, had such a pleasant afternoon with you last time, so I thought maybe we could do it again sometime. Perhaps… tonight?”  
           “I would love to. But, not tonight. Roxy has asked me to attend an event with her, so I’m afraid this evening is booked. But perhaps sometime a bit closer to… Valentine’s Day?” It was Kanaya’s turn to blush. Valentine’s Day was, in fact, that Saturday, which was close enough for Kanaya.  
            “Very well. Valentine’s Day it is.” The two girls smiled softly at each other. Kanaya was tempted to ask about Dave, on Karkat’s behalf, but she also did not feel as thought the timing was quite right.

            Kanaya received yet another message when she got home that afternoon, this time from Feferi.

cuttlefishCuller [CC] began perstering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

CC: Hi Kanaya!  
CC: I just wanted to apologize on Eridan’s behalf.  
CC: He’s been making himself scarce since New Year’s because he’s embarrassed of his behavior.  
GA: Well I appreciate that in theory Feferi but I’m afraid I can’t accept his apology until he actually gives one himself  
GA: Even then I’m not sure I could forgive the way he treated you  
CC: I understand.  
CC: He just wanted me to tell you.  
GA: Well surely he can’t feel that bad if he’s not willing to face it himself  
CC: Iiiiiiii don’t really think that’s a fair assessment but okay.  
GA: Sorry but  
GA: This may not be any of my business  
GA: But why do you continue to defend him so vehemently?  
GA: I understand that he is a person who has problems and likely needs a friend but he has also continuously been a jackass to all his “friends” except for you, and now he has gone and made you frightened for your life  
GA: Surely there is some kind of limit as to what treatment you will tolerate  
CC: He and I have a complicated relationship  
CC: I’ve talked to him about that and I truly think he is trying to change for the better.  
GA: If you say so  
GA: If he speaks to me as he spoke to Rose that evening, though, I cannot promise I won’t take some kind of action  
GA: Beyond just words, I mean  
CC: I think that’s fair.  
CC: Anyway, thanks for letting me talk to you about this.  
GA: Of course 

cuttlefishCuller [CC] has ceased pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

              It was difficult for Kanaya to summarize her feelings about the entire situation. For so long, she’d been responsible for keeping everyone in check. When Vriska broke things off with Eridan by ghosting him, who did he turn to? When Aradia had a destructive urge, who talked her down? It was always _Kanaya._ Every time. Every time someone needed help or emotional support or just a listening ear, it was Kanaya who was there. And now things were falling apart all around, and for once, Kanaya didn’t feel like it was her job to pick up everyone’s pieces. She’d always be there for Karkat, but she was done helping those who wouldn’t reciprocate. Vriska and Eridan both deserved punches to the face, and she was hoping they’d get them, preferably at the end of her own fist. She took a breath, distancing herself from the thoughts and reminding herself of the fact that Rose Lalonde had asked her out for Valentine’s Day.

 

            They met at the same café as last time, once again enjoying a light dinner, though eschewing the details of when and where they were meeting from Rose had proved to be a challenge. As soon as she got there, Kanaya couldn’t help but feel self-conscious. She’d chosen a simpler outfit for the occasion, but Rose was wearing a lovely orange sundress and small blue heels.  
            “Good afternoon,” Kanaya greeted Rose, whose only response was a hiccup. “Oh. Hmm,” Kanaya muttered, looking at Rose.  
            “Whas is it?”  
            “Am I… underdressed for the occasion?” Kanaya said, glancing at Rose up and down.  
            “No! You look sho great.”  
            “If I’d known you wanted to dress in more elegant attire, I would have happily, uh… hmm.” Rose just giggled and smiled at Kanaya. “Rose, are you feeling alright?”  
            “What do you ask? Becouse if, you want to kno, I relay fell, quiiiiiiie fabuloush!”  
            There was something very different about Rose’s demeanor that time. She seemed simultaneously less like herself, and more at ease. Kanaya glanced at Rose’s purse on the table, a small metal flask concealed poorly inside, and she immediately understood what was happening.  
            “Ah, I see. It seems you may have imbibed some, uh…” Rose hiccuped again. “Yes… well then, I guess that would explain it.”  
            “Explain what?”  
            “The lethargy you possibly experienced when it came to planning our rendezvous in a timely manner.”  
            “Oh. _Ohhhhhh,_ mey god. I yam so sorry.” Another hiccup.  
            “Well, I’m still amenable to an evening of… whatever.” Her conscious was telling her not to go out, because Rose was clearly anything but sober, but Kanaya chose to ignore that little part of herself.  
            “Okayyy, les go, for a walk,” Rose suggested.  
            “Yes, after you. If you can actually manage to—” Rose stumbled getting out of her seat. “Whoa there!” Kanaya reached to catch her, but Rose straightened herself out. “Maintain your balance. Okay. Are you good?” Rose nodded enthusiastically. “Okay, good. Let’s go.”  
            “It seems you planned ahead more than I, as you intended this to be a date with fancy clothes whereas I look like something the cat dragged in, so, maybe you can tell me now exactly what you had in mind? I mean, as far as specific activities are concerned.”  
            “Noupe!”  
            “Noupe? I mean, nope. Nope what?”  
            “I honessly had not drafted blueprins for the evening, assine from, gettin’ prettied up, aaand… hmm. Should I have planned more? Wohoops.”  
            “It’s really okay though, I suspected extenuation may have been what was taking place.”  
            Rose laughed. “OMG, Kangaya, I’m. Soooo extenuated righ now.” She hiccuped again. The two walked down the street beside each other, hands continually brushing each other but neither one taking the chance to grab the other. “Annyway, I just thouh that, tonight… we could just walk a round for a while an talk. About relly anything. Like… our famlilies, or, the fushure…”  
            “Yes, that sounds nice.” It was true; she realized she didn’t actually know much about Rose’s family other than that Dave was her cousin and they were all pretty gay.  
            “Just have a casusal, spoptaneous evening. I don’… I don’t ses why dates have to alayways be, a felderal fucking eschew. Dono’t you agree?”  
            “Yes…”  
            “Kanyanya, do you ever jus shee a couple tha’ you think maybe is unhealthy?”  
            “Yes. Why do you ask?”  
            “Worried ‘bout a road soemeone _miiiiight_ go down. But maybe I shouldn’t intrefere. Maybe it could be… just a wonderful thing for them. An I would beh hoorible to interfere, with their… ugh, I dunno. I try to understand, sometimes, like, more than inteclctually, an… it still dosn’t make sense to me. I don’t want to project my valuesh on to a relationship, one that isn’t even happening yet, jush because I dispaprove.”  
            “I understand, but…” Kanaya hesitated. She knew the position Rose was in, though she wasn’t privy to the parties involved.  
            “Kanaya, you’rer smart about thish stuff. Can you teach me?”  
            “I…”  
            “There’s so mouch I just don’t understand. I’m soi curious. Feelings like this, the more complicicated things beyond just havin’ a crush on someone… it still doesn’t realay compute to me.”  
            “I really… don’t know if I would be a good teacher. I’ve never actually been any good at helping my friends with these sorts of relationships.”  
            “That’s fine… forget… specificulty that right now. I want… you to teach me evvverrrreeeything!”  
            Kanaya faltered. “Everything?!”  
            “Yez,” Rose said, a blissful grin on her face.  
            “That is… a lot of things.” Rose turned, placing both her hands on Kanaya’s shoulders. Kanaya blushed, looking up at Rose.  
            “I want you… to… teash me everything.” Her eyes were half-lidded as she looked at Kanaya, and moved one hand towards Kanaya’s waist, and kept the other at Kanaya’s shoulder. Kanaya wasn’t entirely sure what was happening. Rose drew closer. “I want...yuouo…” And then the two girls were kissing on the staircase that led down the hill, Kanaya’s eyes wide open and her cheeks flushing bright red. Kanaya was incredibly startled, not sure what to make of the situation, and then Rose slid out of her arms and down a few of the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmaooooo writer's block is a bitch!!!!  
> anyway thanks for all the nice comments on the last chapter! i swear i didnt say i was feeling insecure as like a ploy to get more comments but they definitely did help <3  
> just having a hard time finishing up kanayas arc for some reason *shrug*  
> also changed that conversation a bit because gamzee/terezi is totally a thing in this AU but like... not yet (i imagine it happens their sophomore year so i doubt it will actually be in the story)
> 
> french translation:  
> Hello, Rose. I wanted to know if you'd like to go out again?


	12. Vogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanaya's mother needs to learn tact

            Kanaya was in bliss. Rose had kissed her and after Kanaya rescued Rose from the bottom of the stairs, they declared themselves girlfriends. As the weeks passed, Kanaya was happy with Rose, and she was also making a point to maintain the rest of her social sphere, going so far as to reach out to Aradia again, putting the two on much better terms. Now the question was how Kanaya’s mother was going to react. She was… well, homophobic wasn’t the right word. If pressed for a word to describe her mother, Kanaya would tell people she was “traditional”, which was why she was always so pressed about the way Porrim and Kanaya presented themselves. Porrim was much more vocal about her feelings about their mother’s comments, but Kanaya just stewed in them. _Was_ she not feminine enough? _Did_ the way her mother felt have a basis in reality? But on the other hand, Kanaya told herself that was ridiculous. Just because she had relatively short hair didn’t change the fact that she was certainly feminine. She was certainly more invested in her heritage than Porrim. And their mother was _supportive_ , but it could be a bit off-putting that it was so obvious she’d rather they both date men. Clearly that wasn’t an option for Kanaya. She sighed, nervous about the potential of an argument breaking out over dinner.  
            Kanaya twirled her fork in her food, and cleared her throat a bit. “Mom, Dad, I, uh. Wanted to tell you that Rose is now, officially, uh, my girlfriend.” They were all silent for a moment, Kanaya glancing to Porrim for reassurance. She gave Kanaya an affirming nod. And then, after a quiet second passed, her parents immediately began bickering in Hindi, specifically so Kanaya couldn’t understand what was being said. Her eyes went wide, darting between her mother and father. She sat, tense, until her mother gestured wildly at her, and Aarav took a deep breath before addressing Kanaya.  
            “That’s wonderful, Kanaya. Will we be meeting this Rose?”  
            Kanaya opened her mouth to answer but was distracted by the forlorn expression on her mother’s face. “I—uh, is everything alright, Mom?”  
            “I! Oh, yes, of course, Kanaya. I just… oh, nevermind.”  
            “You were hoping Kanaya was just going through a phase, weren’t you?” Porrim asked, her voice surly.  
            “Well, not exactly, but… I mean, I support you and love you, Kanaya, but I suppose… I don’t know. What a shame, I really did want grandchildren.”  
            Kanaya kind of lost her temper at that. “What? Mother, there are so many things wrong with what you just said. One—you have another child; Porrim could very well marry a man. Two—I am _literally_ 14 years old and am nowhere near even thinking about that. Three—that’s a very normative way of thinking about things; adoption exists, and four—that’s how you react to me having my first real relationship? That is incredibly selfish! I’m sorry that my being a lesbian is such a disappointment to you. I’m sorry that you feel the need to make these passive-aggressive digs at me, and to answer your question, Dad, if this is how she’s going to be, then no, I don’t think I feel comfortable bringing Rose home.”  
            Everyone looked on at Kanaya in shock as she stood up and began to bustle out of the room.  
            “Kan, I’m sorry, I didn’t—”  
            “Mother, please, this is a conversation I do _not_ want to have right now,” Kanaya said curtly before leaving to her bedroom.

            Unfortunately, this frustration didn’t fade, _and_ Rose was acting all out of sorts every time they talked. It was clear that Rose had developed some sort of… well, Kanaya didn’t want to say it was a drinking problem, but it was a drinking problem. Of course. The timing was less than ideal. And now that Kanaya was basically not speaking to her mother she was feeling very stressed out. Porrim appeared at Kanaya’s door one afternoon, not long after the situation at dinner.  
            “You’re going to have to let her off the hook at some point.”  
            Kanaya looked up at Porrim, sticking a pin in the fabric she was working with. “I most certainly do not. And you’re the last person I’d expect to hear that from.”  
            “You’re not the type to hold a grudge,” Porrim answered nonchalantly.  
            “Ugh… you’re right.” Kanaya laid her head down on the desk in front “I don’t _like_ being upset with her, I just… got kind of fed up.”  
            “Hey, that’s fair. But it’s not out of malice. She’s ignorant. And she doesn’t listen to me anymore since I’ve ‘taken up the way of the witches.’ Ugh, so dramatic. You buy _one_ book on Wicca culture and suddenly you’re a sham to your own heritage.” Kanaya barely muffled a snicker. “Anyway, I do think you ought to talk to her.” Kanaya nodded at her sister.  
            “Can we get out of the house for a bit?”  
            “Sure. What do you want to do?”  
            “Is it obscene to drive to the city today? I’d love to spend some time in the fashion district.”

            The fashion district was, without a doubt, Kanaya’s favorite place. Not only was there a much wider selection of fabric than at the store, but it was much cheaper. Not to mention the patterns. There were all sorts of era-accurate patterns and different notions that were uncommon or difficult to find. While Kanaya was admiring the way a particular fabric was glimmering in the sunlight, Porrim was investigating a flyer nearby. An advertisement for something she thought Kanaya might have interest in. She ripped it off the post it had been nailed to and rushed over to Kanaya.  
            “Hey, check this out,” she said. Kanaya took the paper from her sister’s hand. _Young Designers’ Fashion Contest—_ it read. She kept scanning for more information. Apparently some kind of competition for designers under the age of 16 was happening soon. Kanaya glanced over at Porrim.  
            “Thanks, this gives me an idea.”  
            The truth of the idea was that Kanaya immediately knew how to patch things up with her mother, while simultaneously making her understand that she was, in fact, a lesbian, and one who cared very much for Rose Lalonde, at that, and it was not some “childish phase”.

            When the girls got home, Kanaya immediately retrieved her sketchpad, pulled up some references of saris, and tried to recall what colors Rose seemed to wear most. Blacks and purples, touches of pink… Kanaya sketched out a design furiously, then started raiding her own fabric stash. Before she could even _think_ of entering the design in a contest, she had a few other people to show it to. Kanaya’s first instinct was to take a picture of the design, which she did, and sent it off to Rose.

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

grimAuxiliatrix sent an image!

TT: wahts this  
GA: Its a sari  
GA: Inspired by you  
TT: OMH  
TT: that’s soooooo cuuuuuute  
GA: Porrim and I were in the Fashion District earlier today and theres a designers contest happening  
GA: I wanted to make something beautiful  
GA: So naturally I thought of you  
TT: kanye ur so sweeeet <3

            Kanaya pursed her lips for a moment. She was beginning to grow concerned over Rose’s alcohol intake.

GA: Rose are you  
GA: Drinking again  
TT: mebbe  
GA: Why have you suddenly chosen to spent so much time intoxicated?  
GA: Its getting a bit worrisome  
TT: is ti?  
TT: I yam havin a good time  
GA: Yes but  
GA: I dont believe its healthy for one to imbibe themselves so frequently  
GA: And also I was hoping for your help on this project  
GA: But having a drunk girl around scissors and needles does not seem like a good plan  
GA: To speak generally I simply wish you wouldnt  
TT: u kno what kangaya  
TT: im responspible for myself  
TT: I dun nned you tell me what YOU think I shoul be doin  
GA: I

            Kanaya hesitated. She didn’t want to put herself in the same position she’d managed with Vriska—to become so chiding and disapproving that she was no longer seen as a viable romantic option.

GA: Fine  
GA: Forgive me for being concerned

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

            Kanaya laid her head down on her desk for a moment. Why was everything so complicated? She supposed all she could do was be there if Rose ever decided it _was_ a problem. And she berated herself for not saying anything sooner—it had been apparent for months, since before they were together, that Rose was beginning to form some kind of dependency on alcohol. She sighed. It would be fine, wouldn’t it?  
            She went back to work on her sari, and made that her primary focus for the next couple of weeks, refining and perfecting the design, until finally, she was ready to put it on. Kanaya turned a bit, investigated herself in the mirror, before she finally took a breath and decided to go downstairs to show her mother.  
            “Maa, I have something to show you,” she said from the hallway, before coming out into the living room. Malati’s eyes were curious one moment, then bordering on tears the next.  
            “Did you make this?”  
            Kanaya nodded. “I wanted to show you that I am not abandoning my heritage. But… I also modernized it. And… it was inspired by Rose,” Kanaya muttered. The two shared a moment of quiet, and then Kanaya spoke again. “I thought… it is a combination of two things I care very much about.”  
            “Kanaya, I am deeply sorry for the way I spoke the other evening. It was wrong and insensitive, and—”  
            “It’s okay, mother. I know you didn’t really mean it… I just… it hurt that you seemed to think I am not serious about my orientation.”  
            “Well you have shown me now how you truly do care about Rose, and I will strive to be more tactful in the future.” Kanaya smiled softly up at her mother, and the two hugged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhhh sorry for not updating in so long!! tbh i had a really bad bout of writers' block with this one and then life got really hectic and by my standards this chapter is STILL short but i'm hoping to get a backlog on this and put updates on a schedule or something


	13. Coming Clean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanaya and Rose mend things.

     As more time passed and the calendar turned to April, Kanaya’s feelings were beginning to become clearer, and the fact of the matter was that she was struggling to cope with Rose’s rampant alcoholism. She was reaching her breaking point, but for whatever lingering reason, she didn’t want to be the one to say something. Okay, Kanaya _knew_ the reason—she didn’t want a repeat of what happened with Vriska; she didn’t want to ruin things by bugging and fussing and meddling. Maybe that was just a Vriska thing, but Kanaya was still on unsteady ground with Rose, or so she felt. It didn’t seem right, considering they _were_ formally known as girlfriends. Kanaya tried the best she could to stick by Rose’s side; tried to shrug things off. Drunk Rose wasn’t really all that bad, and Kanaya had become somewhat passive about the whole thing. Yeah. This was fine.  
     Up until it wasn’t fine, because Rose had chosen to get drunk before going to Kanaya’s (whose parents were surprisingly and conveniently absent that afternoon) for a very important tailoring of one of Kanaya’s pieces for the young designer’s contest, something which Kanaya initially just sighed about, but became even _more_ problematic when Rose swathed herself in the fabric on the floor.  
     “Iiiii yam lovin! This silk, Kanaye.”  
     Kanaya huffed. “I do not believe this. You promised me you would be ready to help me with this.”  
     “I am ready!”  
     “ _This_ is not ready! When I said ‘ready’, I believe your sobriety was more than implied as the operative criterion.”  
     “Mehehe… Kanasta, you so wordy.”  
     “Ugh! Why. Why did you do this on such an imperative day? When you told me you wouldn’t?!”  
     “Well… I wasn’t going to, but I starded to think about everything. About helpin with your outfiss, and walkin’ that stage this summer, ‘n’ your famlily. And I started getting nervous.”  
     “But you can’t help me like this! I need you! We have to handle your issues.”  
     “What issues? My indiscretion wich alcoholol? Or something else…?”  
     “Rose, you made a promise to me and you did not keep it!”  
     “Kanaya, ples don’t shout at me.”  
     Kanaya paused, making sure her voice was level. “You’ve been stumbling around for weeks… months in such high spirits, which makes it impossible to broach the subject from a standpoint of mutual agreement that your behavior is a problem.”  
     “But if I’m always happay, then… why _is_ it a problem? Im’m not following. I would _like_ to, but, wait… am I… have I been being a bistch to you and not realizing?”  
     “No, but… you’re not you. This is not the Rose I got a massive crush on the first time I met her, and it’s beginning to get worrying! Please, stop this.”  
     “I’m trying! But is’s… is sactually really hard, Kakaka.”  
     “Yes! Life is hard! Things are supposed to be hard! And my name is Kanaya!!”  
     “Whoops, I’m sorry, Yakaya… Kayolo……Papaya—SHIT! Your name is so lovely, why can’t I shay it?”  
     “You cannot say it! Because you are! DRUNK!!” Kanaya shouted. It was about time she lost her temper. All this pent-up aggression needed to be let out. Rose looked up at her pitifully for a moment.  
     “Are you going to brek up with me?”  
     Kanaya just about snapped. “NO!!” she shouted, taking a heavy breath. “But… please, maybe you should go right now. I will… I will talk to you later.”  
      Rose stood up wobbily and nodded at Kanaya. “Yeah… okay. I’m sorry.”

      Once Rose was gone, Kanaya composed herself. She was beginning to feel like she was at a loss for what to do. And she couldn’t quite bring herself to message Rose that evening, so she waited until the next day. And even then, she wasn’t sure she should be the one to say something. It seemed like it wasn’t a bad idea to take a less direct approach, and speak to someone she’d been speaking to more and more as of late.

 

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began pestering  apocalypseArisen [AA]

GA: Aradia  
GA: I know this is highly unusal from me, but I need your help  
GA: I am in a bad situation  
AA: whats going on?  
GA: I have told you about Rose  
AA: yes  
GA: Well the situation is as such: she went to a party with her sister not too long ago, and I suppose she had a drink there, and has been binge drinking since then  
GA: I fear she is on a self-destructive path, much as you were not long ago  
GA: She will not listen to me, and I do not wish to lecture her, at risk of no longer presenting myself in a romantic way; rather in a platonic way  
AA: are you asking me to talk some sense into her?  
GA: Only if it would not be too much of an imposition on my part  
AA: i can help but  
AA: i dont think she will listen to me  
AA: i never spoke much with her or the others  
AA: how do i even get in contact with her?  
GA: Her screenname is tentacleTherapist  
AA: …interesting  
AA: ill chat with her  
GA: Thank you Aradia

grimAuxiliatrix [GA]  ceased pestering apocalypseArisen [AA]

            Kanaya let out a short breath. Maybe hearing it from someone else would make Rose start being logical again. Hanging out with Drunk Rose was… well, it was still _enjoyable,_ but Kanaya missed the girl she’d met on the first day of class. 

            It wasn’t too long before Kanaya’s Pesterchum went off again.

 

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

 TT: So  
TT: You asked Aradia to speak to me?

             Kanaya’s heart sank and she fumbled at the keyboard, trying to type out something that at least _resembled_ an explanation, but before she could, another message popped up.

 TT: I’m not mad.  
GA: Youre not?  
TT: No.  
TT: In fact, I’d intended on messaging you to apologize.  
GA: Oh  
GA: Uh… why?  
GA: I mean  
GA: Seems sudden  
TT: You were right about my…  
TT: Indiscretions.  
TT: I didn’t realize what a toll I’d been taking on our relationship.  
TT: And on you.  
TT: And to be frank, that makes me a kind of shitty girlfriend.  
TT: Though I didn’t want to admit it.  
TT: And I commend your patience with me.  
GA: Well… truth be told, I was so worried that if I pushed the issue you would see me as more of a bother  
GA: It seems kind of foolish when I see it written out like that  
GA: But it has happened before  
GA: I did still enjoy spending time with you, even if my shouting fit yesterday led you to believe otherwise  
TT: I still feel terrible about it.  
TT: It was no way to start a relationship.  
GA: That is  
GA: Well that is true  
GA: Though I must ask  
GA: What made you stop?  
TT: A combination of things.  
TT: Mostly Roxy.  
TT: I’d rather tell you about it in person, if that’s alright.  
GA: Completely understandable.  
TT: Okay. I’m glad.  
TT: I do have to go for the moment, though.  
GA: Thats fine  
TT: <3  
GA: <3

tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]  


            Wow. What a relief. But Pesterchum would not shut up.

twinArmageddons [TA]  started group message:aradia’s birthday shenanigans

TA: okay guys, so  
TA: aradia’s been away from skaia high for a couple months,  
TA: but i thought it would be cool of us to throw her a surprise party.  
TA: i’ve already arranged things with her dad, and tavros and i are taking care of snacks and decorations.  
TA: all you guys have to do is show up to prospit park at 4:30 on friday.

adiosToreador [AT] has responded to memo

 AT: actually, if anyone wants to help me set up, that’d be great

cuttlefishCuller [CC] has responded to memo

CC: Shore! I’d love to be there for Aradia.  
CC: I can’t help set up, though. I have swim practice after school.  
CC: Sorry, Tav.  
AT: that’s fine

arachnidsGrip [AG] has responded to memo

AG: You mean you’ve actually done something helpful, toreadork?  
AT: um, yeah, actually  
AT: sollux told me about this on friday  
AT: we’ve been planning  
AG: Whatever, as if I’d go to a surprise party for ARADIA, of all people.  
AG: Finally gonna ask her out, Lispy McAsshat?  
TA: maybe.  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!  
AG: Fine, I’ll show up just to watch that disaster unfold.

carcinoGeneticist [CG]  has responded to memo

CG: What the fuck is your problem?

ectoBiologist [EB]  has responded to memo

EB: wow, vriska, calm down.  
CG: Aradia has always been a good friend.  
CG: I don’t get why you hate her so much.

grimAuxiliatrix [GA]  has responded to memo

GA: Yes, Aradia has been helping me with my romantic problems, despite having her own, and despite being quite away from us.  
GA: I would love to attend.  
CG: Yeah, shut the fuck up, Serket.  
CG: I’ll go.

turntechGodhead [TG] has responded to memo

TG: im in  
TG: rose and jade too probably  
TA: are they not in the chat?  
TG: i dunno theyre not online right now  
TG: but im seeing rose later so ill let her know  
CG: Nepeta says she’ll come too.  
TA: if you hear from gz, let him know too  
CG: Yeah, okay.  
CG: He’s been making himself scarce lately.  
TA: yeah I know  
CC: Eridan wants to know if he’s invited.  
TA: eugh  
TA: yeah i guess  
TA: equius too  
TA: though that might be awkward  
CG: He’s here too.  
CG: He says he’ll go.  
TA: ff what the fuck is eridan doing at your house?  
CC: We’re still friends, Sollux!  
TA: whatever  
AG: Okay, we’re all fucking going, can this pointless chat end now?  
TG: what about Terezi  
CG: Why don’t YOU tell her, Strider?  
TG: no need to be jealous karkles  
TG: you know id never dream of anyone but you  
TA: you two are fucking gross.  
TA: see you all at the party, then.  
CG: You’ll see us at school tomorrow, dipshit.  
AG: Hey, yeah, why couldn’t this idiocy have waited for then?  
TA: fuck, this just seemed easier.  
TA: you don’t have to get up my ass about it.  
EB: oh, tavros, i’ll help you set up if you want!  
AT: oh, yeah  
AT: thanks, john

twinArmageddons [TA] has closed group chat: aradia’s birthday shenanigans

 

            That school week went by uneventfully. Rose was still markedly embarrassed by her previous behavior and basically didn’t want to talk about things at school. Something about there being too many ears too close by. As a result, Kanaya and Rose wound up talking about things while sitting in the grass field at the park on the day of Aradia’s surprise birthday party.  
            “So… you never _did_ tell me just what changed your mind.”  
            “Yes… it was something Roxy told me, that day I went home from your house. She recounted her own problems with alcohol and how I’d helped her clean herself up. She said, ‘Rose, do you know why I wanted to quit in the first place?’ and I asked her why, to which the response was ‘I realized it had started to push my friends away from me. I wasn’t fun to be around, no matter how fun I thought I was.’ And it made me think about why I’d started to drink in the first place. I thought people admired Roxy, and I knew people admired my mother, and I began to feel like I’d never compare to them, not with my rigidity and… well, biting sarcasm. And once I started, I began to feel like a better daughter and a better sister and honestly, it made me more open to talking to you, something I enjoyed immensely but never had the courage to be forthright about while sober. I don’t know, really. Addiction does run in my family. Once I started, it did become a problem, but when Roxy said that, I realized I _had_ been driving people away; that even though Karkat said things like ‘she’s funnier drunk’, that it was actually a problem that both you and Dave, if no one else, recognized. But I was so content, until you shouted at me, and I had to explain what happened to Roxy. You two really did knock some sense into me that day.”  
            “Well…” Kanaya thought her words over carefully, “I’m glad. For the record, Karkat’s wrong.”  
            “Hm?”  
            “You’re not funnier when you’re drunk.”  
            Rose smiled softly at Kanaya, rest her hand on top of Kanaya’s, then leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead. Kanaya was in complete bliss. At least, she was for a moment, until she heard her cousin’s raspy voice shout.  
            “HOLY SHIT! I’ll be there as soon as I can.”  
            “Karkat, you FUCKER!” Sollux shouted back. “Can you not lost your shit for one day?!”  
            “Well excuse me, shithead. My dad just got shot.”  
            Kanaya felt all the color drain from her face as she stood up, Rose standing up alongside her.  
            “Kanaya?”  
            “...my uncle.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY good news bad news.
> 
> bad news: i still do not have a backlog for this
> 
> good news: i get a lot more inspired to write when i'm in school so hopefully should be moving a lot faster!! i already know what goes down in the last 2 chaps of this and like, most of the LALONDES soooooo be on the lookout for new updates <3


	14. Say Uncle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanaya doesn't know how to cope with bad news.

            Kanaya was numb, in a daze. She didn’t even really know what was happening, only that she was talking to Rose, who took her shoulder and kissed her on the cheek, and the next thing she knew, she was in her mother’s car, being toted off to the hospital, not far behind Karkat and Nepeta. At least, she didn’t think they could be far behind. She didn’t remember seeing them leave.  
            Nana Rosa drove like a madwoman, skittering into the hospital parking lot. Kanaya slowly unbuckled herself, still in a sort of disbelief about what was happening, while Nana Rosa had already taken off for the doors, a man Kanaya assumed to be Simon Captor keeping up with her. By all accounts, Simon had been just as much Rosa’s son as Solomon was—those two and Dessie all grew up together and Rosa had often told Kanaya stories of their trouble-making. By the time Kanaya, Porrim, and their parents made it into the hall where Dessie, Karkat, Kankri, Meulin, and Nepeta were all waiting, Simon was already there and Rosa was in Solomon’s room. Kanaya immediately moved towards Karkat and pulled him into a tight hug, patting his hair a bit.  
            “Are you okay, Karkat?” It was a foolish question, but it was the only thing she could think to ask.  
            “As okay as I can be right now. How’re you doing?”  
            “About the same. Is he okay?”  
            “I don’t know… they’re going to keep him here for a few days.” Kanaya’s hand grabbed Karkat’s, and she squeezed tightly.  
            “This family is a strong one. We can get through this,” she said, trying to convince herself just as much as she was trying to convince Karkat. Solomon would be okay. He _had_ to be okay. Kanaya sat down next to where Karkat had been sitting, and he slumped down beside her, both of them watching as hugs were shared and silence settled among the family. Nobody had an idea of what to say as the hours slowly ticked by, only to eventually be broken by Dessie.  
            “Um, Rosa, I hate to put you out, but do you think the kids could go with you tonight? I would prefer to stay here until Solomon is released, but I don’t feel comfortable with them staying here.” Kanaya’s heart sank. Dessie was trying to protect them, but… if there was nothing to worry about, what was she protecting them from? It seemed like the adults were far more concerned than they wanted to let on. Kankri stood up.  
            “What? No, I want to stay.”  
            “Kankri, please, no… please, go home with your grandmother and get some rest.”  
            Oh god. Kankri was going to be insistent, wasn’t he? “Dessie, with all due respect, you’re not my mother and you have no legal authority to tell me what to do.” Kanaya sighed. Insufferable indeed. Of course he’d find a way to make this about him, and be insulting about it to boot.  
            “Excuse me?” Dessie said, sounding rightfully offended.  
            “Not to mention I work here. I’m sure I could find somewhere to take a nap if my rest is really your concern.”  
            “Kankri, don’t be rash,” Rosa said.  
            “Come on! I’m practically an adult, and if I want to stay, I should stay, right?”  
            “You disrespectful little shit!” Simon added.  
            “Simon, please!” Dessie shouted back. “This is a family matter. And we are in a hospital! I will not tolerate arguing right now. Please. I am stressed out enough; we all are. So can we all… please just cooperate?” Everyone seemed to take a collective breath when Dessie said that. “Kankri, fine. If you want to stay, fine. The rest of you should go; it’s getting late and they’re going to make us leave soon.”  
            “If Kankri gets to stay, I want to stay,” Karkat muttered. It was clear nobody had the energy to fight him about it.  
            “Karkat, I—fine. Fine,” Dessie answered.  
            So Dessie and the boys stayed in the hospital, while the Maryams, Nepeta, Meulin, and Simon all dispersed. Kanaya didn’t know how to feel about the whole thing, the mere idea of Uncle Solomon being in the hospital leaving her stomach with knots of anxiety. She climbed into the car, sitting beside Nepeta, who tapped away on her phone. Kanaya had been ignoring hers; not wanting to explain the situation to anyone until it was resolved. After a moment, Nepeta fumbled with her phone, and her entire face went red before tapping out another message. Kanaya furrowed her brow.  
            “Who were you talking to?” she asked. Nepeta looked over at her, a bit surprised by the question.  
            “Oh. It was just Oliver.” That was right; the boy she’d been talking to.  
            “Hmm,” Kanaya muttered, then turned to face forward as Nepeta leaned on the car window.

 

            The drive home seemed like a very long one, one that was spent mostly in silence, everyone sort of trying to absorb what was happening, and when they arrived, Kanaya could sort of tell that Meulin and Nepeta felt out of place. They didn’t come over often; usually family dinners were at their place. Kanaya took a glance over her shoulder as she walked towards the house with Porrim, and she saw Meulin walk up and grab Nepeta’s hand, in some sort of gesture of sisterly support. The whole weeked was kind of like that; really quiet and serious, Kanaya noticing her mother and grandmother speaking quietly on the phone as they called Dessie constantly for updates, none of the kids really being quite sure of what to say to each other, and a generally solemn tone as they waitied to find out what the final result was. Sadly, Monday _did_ roll around, and the girls were instructed to go back to school that morning, forcing Kanaya to stop avoiding talking to people when she was immediately confronted about the situation by Rose.  
            “Kanaya, are you doing alright?” she asked when she entered the French classroom that morning. “I’d been trying to message you all weekend.”  
            “Yes, we haven’t gotten much news, so as far as I am aware, Solomon is still alive.”  
            “That’s good.” Kanaya pursed her lips, blankly looking towards the whiteboard. Rose reached across the gap between their desks and squeezed her hand. “I’m sure it’ll be alright.”  
            “How can you be sure of that?”  
            “Well…” Rose withdrew, and Kanaya remained silent as their class started.  
            She couldn’t help but notice Karkat’s absence during lunch that day, and her and Nepeta’s own quiet nature as they awaited some kind of news. Everyone was trying to be comforting and reassuring, but Kanaya was really just tired of hearing about it. She wanted to talk about something else, _anything_ else. The fact that Karkat wans’t there didn’t make her very confident.  
            When her mother picked her, Porrim, Nepeta and Meulin up from school that day, she looked at them through the rear-view mirror.  
            “Nepeta, Meulin, your mother called and told me to drop you off at home.” Kanaya didn’t know what to make of what her heart was doing. That meant there would finally be some kind of answer.  
            “Is there any word on Uncle Solomon?” Porrim asked, seeming to have the same sort of thought as Kanaya. Malati paused.  
            “Not yet. But Dessie and the boys are home, so I assume we’ll hear something later.”

             Hear something later, they did. But it certainly wasn’t the news Kanaya had been hoping to hear. It really wasn’t much longer after they got home that Malati’s phone went off. She answered immediately.

            “Hello? …he _what?”_ The sudden outburst got both Kanaya and Porrim’s attention. “No… no, I will tell her. I’m sure you’re said it plenty. Yes. Thanks.”  
            Kanaya started to stand up to go towards her mother, but Porrim put a hand on her shoulder with a disapproving glance and Kanaya sat back down. Rosa immediately darted across the room towards malati, and the two wordlessly exchanged information. Kanaya felt her gut sink as she saw tears pooling in her grandmother’s eyes.  
            “He’s dead, isn’t he?” she muttered, not really needing an answer. Malati moved towards Kanaya, hugging her from behind and pressing a kiss into the top of her head.  
            “Yes, darling,” she sniffled. “He is.” Kanaya didn’t really know how to process that information; that her dear uncle was gone forever.

            Aarav decided it was best for the family to spend the evening together, the five of them huddling on the couch watching a movie and crying when they needed to. Kanaya leaned on her father more than usual. He was rather quiet about the whole thing, clealy morose, but most of the tears were coming from Malati and Rosa.  
            It wasn’t until she was lying in bed staring at the ceiling that Kanaya saw fit to finally check her phone, clogged with Pesterchum chatter. Karkat had set up a memo, because _of course_ he had.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] has started memo: FUCK

 CG: Hey everyone.  
CG: So…  
CG: Bad news…  
CG: My dad…he…  
CG: Didn’t make it.

cuttlefishCuller [CC] responded to memo

CC: Karkat, I’m so sorry!

turntechGodhead [TG] responded to memo

TG: fucking blows dude  
CG: Don’t be sarcastic, Strider.  
TG: im not  
TG: it may shock you to know that i am in fact  
TG: capable of sincerity  
TG: give me the benefit of the doubt dude  
TG: instead of hopping all over me the minute i open my mouth  
TG: all up in my business like youre trying to hop on my dick  
CG: GROSS, fuck off.  
TG: nah man the fuck is on  
TG: your sympathy fuck i mean  
TG: looking for one?

twinArmageddons [TA] responded to memo

TA: wouldn’t put it past him  
TG: haha nice one man  
CG: You FUCKERS!  
CG: Stop ganging up on me, it’s seriously not cool.  
CG: I’m having an honest to God crisis.

arachnidsGrip [AG] responded to memo

AG: Honestly, Karkat, when aren’t you having a crisis?  
CG: UUUUGH forget it.  
CG: Why did I think I could talk to you assholes?

 ectoBiologist [EB] responded to memo

EB: guys, come on  
EB: karkat just lost someone important to him.  
EB: i don’t think it’s the time for dick jokes.  
TG: what are you like his boyfriend or something?  
EB: dave, no.  
EB: i’m not…  
EB: i’m straight, dave.  
TG: sure  
TG: youre about as straight as i am  
TG: but sure  
CG: Egbert, PLEASE. I DON’T need your fucking help.  
CG: Strider, SHUT UP.  
AG: Soooooooo  
AG: What exactly was the point of this group chat?  
AG: Half of us aren’t even online right now.  
TA: man i wish i wasn’t  
CG: I was trying to get to that.  
CG: I could honestly really use some moral support right now.  
CG: So you’re all invited to the funeral.  
CG: Not that any of you will actually show up.  
CG: Now leave me alone.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] is now an idle chum!

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

TT: I don’t blame you for not wanting to check your notifications.  
TT: But I am here if and when you want to talk about it.

tentacleTherapist [TT] is now an idle chum!

            Kanaya thought for a moment about responding to Rose’s messages, and then decided against it. She really didn’t want to think about it. She didn’t want to talk about it.  
            She forced herself to school the next morning, Karkat and Nepeta’s absence not going unnoticed, and Kanaya was met with the very unwelcome company of Vriska a couple blocks down.  
            “So, sucks about your uncle, huh?” Vriska said. Kanaya huffed, jostling her bag on her shoulder. “I mean, if you ask me, Karkat’s being really melodramatic about the whole thing. I grew up my whole life without a dad, and look how I turned out.”  
            “I would not use your character as the basis of ‘turning out okay’,” Kanaya hissed.  
            “What! All I’m saying is, it’s not the end of the world if he has to learn a little independence. Actually, Karkat’s kind of a whiner. This might actually be a good thing.”  
            And then, Kanaya couldn’t take it anymore. Even though she could see a few other friends across the street—Feferi and Eridan and Gamzee—she’d finally lost her temper and she straight up socked Vriska in the face. “Shut. _Up._ About my cousin.” Eridan ran across the street to see what the commotion was.  
            “Ow! _Jeez,_ why do people keep on punching me!” Vriska complained, pinching her nose.  
            “Maybe you deserve it,” Eridan muttered. Kanaya turned and slapped him across the face, too. “God! What did _I_ do???”  
            “That one was not for me, it was for Sollux and Feferi,” Kanaya said, her voice terse, and then she marched to campus. Maybe that wasn’t the catharsis she needed, but it sure did feel good.

            Solomon’s funeral was not much later, and Kanaya still felt sort of numb about it, but Rose was there at her side, continuing to squeeze her hand in a sign of support. Kanaya and her family had been over to the Vantas-Leijon home for tea after school one day that week, but Kanaya hadn’t heard much from Karkat otherwise, and he remained just as tight-lipped during the funeral. Kanaya wrung her hands together as the pastor spoke, paying more mind to Dessie’s words.  
            “Solomon Vantas was… one of the kindest, greatest people I ever had the pleasure of meeting. He was so inspirational to me, so influential to the word; how he was just… always trying to help whoever he could, always trying to make peace or find a diplomatic way around a problem- that was all he wanted to be. A diplomat. He wanted to make a better future for his kids, for my kids… Solomon was…” Her voice cracked. She was about to lose it. “…my best friend, and my first love. When we met in high school, I knew I’d found someone I could confide in. Someone I knew I wanted in my life. He had such an idealistic concept of what the world could be. And… oh, the way he lit up when we talked about how we could improve the world, leave our mark… and then we fell in love… and then… both left for different colleges. I never thought I’d be lucky enough to find him again, but I was. I swore I’d never lose him again. And yet, here we are. Solomon Vantas was… a great man, who did great things, and I will _not_ let that be in vain. He may be gone, but the impact that he’s had will be with us forever.”  
            Kanaya watched with a heavy heart as Dessie stepped down and muttered something to Karkat, Kankri, Meulin, and Nepeta, and then Kankri took her place behind the podium.  
            “My father was an ambitious, idealistic man. He was always trying to do something to help someone, and help this town. Someone I always admired, and from this day on I will be taking up his cause and do my best to be as he was. Thank you for everything, Dad.”  
            After that, the coffin was lowered and the dirt was tossed in and that was it, beside the reception. Karkat was beside himself, going so far as locking himself in the room through most of the reception. Kanaya was beginning to come to peace with the situation, though she supposed losing an uncle was quite different than losing a father. Rose leaned on Kanaya a bit.  
            “How are you doing, Kanaya?”  
            “I am doing… surprisingly well. Life without Solomon will be something to adjust to, but I think… if my family sticks together, we will be alright.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow that is a shitty chapter summary isnt it.
> 
> OKAY anyway guess this is another installment finished since ch 15 is an epilogue of sorts.
> 
> I actually have most of ch 1 of The Lalondes done??? So it should be up soon. I'm going to try to start posting like twice a week because it's been nearly 3 years since i started this series and I'd really like to finish sooner rather than later.


	15. Graduation

         The rest of the school year was fairly uneventful. Things sort of slowly shifted back to normal, but even better because Karkat had finally figured out how to handle feelings and he had Dave, and Kanaya had Rose, and Kankri and Porrim had both graduated, and Kanaya was exceptionally proud of her family. Every few weeks, her grandmother would go visit the cemetary and leave Solomon flowers, and they thought about how he’d feel about everyone just sort of going about their business. Kanaya liked to think he’d be happy; proud, especially of Karkat’s personal growth. Solomon was always the one who’d say ‘all you can do is the next right thing’. And the next right thing varied from person to person. It was all they could do to just keep being who they were. Malati had become wildly more accepting of Kanaya’s relationship and Porrim’s self-expression, and with a new focus on centering the family, despite their loss, Kanaya still had high hopes for the rest of her high school experience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> womp womp the end


End file.
